Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
One Month Later...
If you read the last three posts I wrote in order, you can kind of see the ebb and tide of me getting pissed off at something, cooling off, doing something to distract myself, being reminded of it and getting pissed off again, cooling off then venting about it after I cooled off some. I thought it was very neat.
Anyways a little more than a month after things reached "Fuck-it" point we've started on making our chuppah. Things are going along rather smoothly and I'm sure pictures will be coming soon. Now if I can only get HER to get on here and talk about wedding invite shopping and respond to what I've written. Wouldn't it be nice to hear her side of the story?
Anyways a little more than a month after things reached "Fuck-it" point we've started on making our chuppah. Things are going along rather smoothly and I'm sure pictures will be coming soon. Now if I can only get HER to get on here and talk about wedding invite shopping and respond to what I've written. Wouldn't it be nice to hear her side of the story?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
So do you mind if I grab a pillow for my knees while I bend down to kiss your ass?
One of the bad traits that I have (and there are quite a few) is that I'm a prideful son of a bitch. And while I have no problem doing a song and dance for the enjoyment of others it's always on my own terms and was a decision I made. What I don't like doing and you can either blame this on me being a stubborn bastard, a loud bastard, or just a plain ol' bastard (some of my other less than fine traits), is doing a song and dance to someone else's tune and at their beck and call.
So when I hear that we are giving up on the wedding and just letting Mother-in-Law have free reign, I flipped the fuck out. Actually I would have flipped the fuck out except I had to stay in check so I could comfort HER. She was having a bit of a rough time because due to the nature of the situation and the way she and her mother is, she was just being bombarded with just tons of emotions and worry. First there was the worry that she would alienate her mother, then there was the worry that I wouldn't get along with her because of this. Add to that the feeling of failing to stand up for your future husband, the frustration of not getting what you wanted and planned for, and fighting battles on two fronts and you kind of get how she felt.
What I wanted to do was flip the fuck out and call out Mother-in-Law on the bullshit she's trying to pull and how miserable she's making HER but, to be honest, I'm probably also doing the same thing (though hopefully not nearly as bad). Mother-in-Law is the type of person who would (and recently had...) a falling out with a long time friend over something as trivial as inviting HER and her friends out for a spa session, and all that would just make things worse for HER. So I decided to practice my humanity and keep my cool. Lots of counting to 10 and deep breaths.
So why was I worked up so much? You have to understand that the Jewish religion while not something that is entirely alien to me is still filled with strange customs and justifications for things that just doesn't make sense to me. That, and leading up to this Mother-in-Law is worried to death that HER is becoming more and more Chinese and therefore less and less Jewie (I guess). So in her crusade in keeping her child Jewish she has stomped down every notion of Chinese anything at every turn. "What's that? HER is learning Chinese?! Why doesn't HIM learn Hebrew?" You know why? Cause none of you fucking SPEAK HEBREW! Sure Mother-in-Law speaks tons of languages but Father-in-Law and HER can't speak anything other than bad English. You know who speaks Chinese? Every single member of my family (some only speak Chinese), and a fifth of the entire fucking world, more importantly our kids are. Yes, our Jewish fucking kids are going to know how to speak Chinese. AND, (understand I'm not even covering all the shit that I want to say...) AND just cause you feel like you failed in raising a Jewish child does not give you a right to stomp on my culture like it's dogshit that you had the misfortune of failing to notice.
I could say none of this and had to just sit there and take it or pretend that I didn't hear that shit because I had to keep the peace for HER's sake. And now, for the sake of peace; the child who cried the most is getting their way and the person easier to deal with gets shafted. I can't stand when that shit happens, all the less when it's happening to me. ME. Fuck that. And now I have to swallow all that and dance to some silly jig because some person from somewhere felt some significance to some event that makes it alright for certain people to crap on the dancing monkey's culture. Right... Where's my goddamn bacon?
Well it turns out that keeping cool (even though I did sort of unleash back there - and boy it felt good to) actually paid off a bit. Why? Because I didn't have to kirk out on someone. HER got, found, grew or just plain fucking stole and "pair of stones" somewhere and stood up to her mother. She sent out an e-mail that not only organized everything but set limits to responsibilities of others and who has final say on what. It was a very effective e-mail and I'm very proud of her for making it. Of course this was exactly what I wanted to do 10 months ago but props still go to where they are deserved.
So when I hear that we are giving up on the wedding and just letting Mother-in-Law have free reign, I flipped the fuck out. Actually I would have flipped the fuck out except I had to stay in check so I could comfort HER. She was having a bit of a rough time because due to the nature of the situation and the way she and her mother is, she was just being bombarded with just tons of emotions and worry. First there was the worry that she would alienate her mother, then there was the worry that I wouldn't get along with her because of this. Add to that the feeling of failing to stand up for your future husband, the frustration of not getting what you wanted and planned for, and fighting battles on two fronts and you kind of get how she felt.
What I wanted to do was flip the fuck out and call out Mother-in-Law on the bullshit she's trying to pull and how miserable she's making HER but, to be honest, I'm probably also doing the same thing (though hopefully not nearly as bad). Mother-in-Law is the type of person who would (and recently had...) a falling out with a long time friend over something as trivial as inviting HER and her friends out for a spa session, and all that would just make things worse for HER. So I decided to practice my humanity and keep my cool. Lots of counting to 10 and deep breaths.
So why was I worked up so much? You have to understand that the Jewish religion while not something that is entirely alien to me is still filled with strange customs and justifications for things that just doesn't make sense to me. That, and leading up to this Mother-in-Law is worried to death that HER is becoming more and more Chinese and therefore less and less Jewie (I guess). So in her crusade in keeping her child Jewish she has stomped down every notion of Chinese anything at every turn. "What's that? HER is learning Chinese?! Why doesn't HIM learn Hebrew?" You know why? Cause none of you fucking SPEAK HEBREW! Sure Mother-in-Law speaks tons of languages but Father-in-Law and HER can't speak anything other than bad English. You know who speaks Chinese? Every single member of my family (some only speak Chinese), and a fifth of the entire fucking world, more importantly our kids are. Yes, our Jewish fucking kids are going to know how to speak Chinese. AND, (understand I'm not even covering all the shit that I want to say...) AND just cause you feel like you failed in raising a Jewish child does not give you a right to stomp on my culture like it's dogshit that you had the misfortune of failing to notice.
I could say none of this and had to just sit there and take it or pretend that I didn't hear that shit because I had to keep the peace for HER's sake. And now, for the sake of peace; the child who cried the most is getting their way and the person easier to deal with gets shafted. I can't stand when that shit happens, all the less when it's happening to me. ME. Fuck that. And now I have to swallow all that and dance to some silly jig because some person from somewhere felt some significance to some event that makes it alright for certain people to crap on the dancing monkey's culture. Right... Where's my goddamn bacon?
Well it turns out that keeping cool (even though I did sort of unleash back there - and boy it felt good to) actually paid off a bit. Why? Because I didn't have to kirk out on someone. HER got, found, grew or just plain fucking stole and "pair of stones" somewhere and stood up to her mother. She sent out an e-mail that not only organized everything but set limits to responsibilities of others and who has final say on what. It was a very effective e-mail and I'm very proud of her for making it. Of course this was exactly what I wanted to do 10 months ago but props still go to where they are deserved.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Not the story I was going to tell but it's the one you're getting.
You've no idea the amount of fire and brimstone I was going to rain down on this blog due to the stuff that had recently went down. However to HER's credit she really did do a good job on handling the situation and let's all hear it for taking a moment to cool off before doing things one might regret, though usually I don't regret the things I do.
Anyways, happy new year. Ok with that out of the way let me explain what the hell it is exactly that I'm talking about.
When we first got engaged and started to think about planning a wedding I gave HER two options. 1) I do what I have been advised to do which is let her and her mother plan the whole thing and only pretend to care about every third thing so that she would feel like I gave a damn about the event in which I was to be married in OR 2) we both had equal say in the wedding. She chose option to and to her credit she really meant it. I wanted some wild things too. I didn't want a cake (because fuck cake), I wanted a wedding pie. I wanted to cut that pie with a sword that I would carrying around the entire ceremony and like a dozen other things that would just be crazy and unique. Isn't my girl awesome?
Well then things got to her mother and that's when shit just got formal... and boring... and stressful. Not stressful for me per-say because I was never really allowed to discuss such matters with the mother in law. HER knows me too well as well as her mother so naturally she didn't want us two to get into it cause well... I already introduced the mother in law.
The fecal matter really hit the oscillating wind generator when after a year of fighting (mostly between HER and her mother) and crying (mostly HER to me) that it got to the "fuck it point." The "fuck it point" if you weren't able to deduce is the point of which the realization of the goal no longer is worth the amount of effort to obtain it happens. HER was at that point and I, being her future husband could only support her decision.
Oh how pissed I was...
To be continued...
Anyways, happy new year. Ok with that out of the way let me explain what the hell it is exactly that I'm talking about.
When we first got engaged and started to think about planning a wedding I gave HER two options. 1) I do what I have been advised to do which is let her and her mother plan the whole thing and only pretend to care about every third thing so that she would feel like I gave a damn about the event in which I was to be married in OR 2) we both had equal say in the wedding. She chose option to and to her credit she really meant it. I wanted some wild things too. I didn't want a cake (because fuck cake), I wanted a wedding pie. I wanted to cut that pie with a sword that I would carrying around the entire ceremony and like a dozen other things that would just be crazy and unique. Isn't my girl awesome?
Well then things got to her mother and that's when shit just got formal... and boring... and stressful. Not stressful for me per-say because I was never really allowed to discuss such matters with the mother in law. HER knows me too well as well as her mother so naturally she didn't want us two to get into it cause well... I already introduced the mother in law.
The fecal matter really hit the oscillating wind generator when after a year of fighting (mostly between HER and her mother) and crying (mostly HER to me) that it got to the "fuck it point." The "fuck it point" if you weren't able to deduce is the point of which the realization of the goal no longer is worth the amount of effort to obtain it happens. HER was at that point and I, being her future husband could only support her decision.
Oh how pissed I was...
To be continued...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)