Breakdown

Let me breakdown to you what it is that I really cared about for this wedding. I want people to party and I want to do something different than all the (many) other weddings I've been to. So for me this mostly breaks down into food, photography and music. There are other things too such as I want to cut a cake (or better yet a pie) with a samurai sword but those really aren't that important. The three big things are the food, the music and the pictures. Or rather those are the things that cost the most money.

The food has yet to be addressed in full, I'm not quite done with the music but the pictures are done and boy, was that fun. One of my grooms men is a professional wedding photographer. I've worked with him on many projects, I respect (hell I'm down right envious of) his work and I was able to get his boss, someone that HE considers great, to shoot my wedding. It really wasn't much of a debate, it'd be almost criminal to not go with them. So please excuse me if I sound a little rude when I say I didn't really care about what Mother-N-Law had to say about the photographer.

Here's the [really really really edited] story.

We were looking for a time to go meet... Wait, let me introduce the photographer:

Bradley (hell I'll give him a shout-out).
One of my groomsmen's boss. He's a pretty young, clean cut, and an ADD as all hell individual. I've heard many stories about him and have seen his work. His work is pretty awesome and he's definitely not boring.
Main Goal: To sell himself, to sell his company and to do a good job.

We got the photographer which went rather easily compared to everything else. Some stuff happened afterward and I was really REALLY annoyed at Mother-N-Law. I was justified.

A Time and Place for Everything Part 2

With the thought of actually eloping now on the table I tried to convince HER to let me in on negotiating with her mother. After all, what was there to lose? She agreed and we arranged a time to go over to a place, and talk about it. I was expecting we would sit down and talk about budget, what needs to be done, a time line, set a date, max and min number of guests etc. The Mother-N-Law was expecting us to go check out another site. So guess what we did? We went and saw another site. The only productive thing about this particular visit was it started to create the roles the players were to take in this ordeal and we were a little closer to setting a date. Not quite what I had in mind but more was accomplished that day than more than a year's worth of effort prior so I at least had to be happy about that.

Here's how our little merry band would work within itself - Mother-N-Law would suggest a place or something or other and we would all go. HER when we got there would give me a little prep talk to not offend her mother. Once we were there and sitting down with someone Mother-N-Law and HER would sit there and talk about whatever and every so often would ask me a question about something or other. Every so often Father-N-Law would want to say something that neither HER nor her mother wanted to hear. I would then take it upon myself to intercept his opinion so he would feel like he's being heard while not distracting the girls from doing or talking about whatever.

And that's how we visited sites. The girls would talk about something and when that something involved an issue that I cared about (and I'll get to that later) I would chime in. Otherwise I just gave Father-N-Law the attention he was seeking and enjoyed the free drinks I was often given. Eventually after visiting site after site we came down to two sites.

Damn this may be longer than I expected.

Site 1: My first choice, HER's second. This was a very nice place that gave us a fantastic deal. It was easily the best bang for the buck, the ceremony site as well as the grounds in general were gorgeous. They had elevators for the less-than-capable. The biggest problem would possibly be that the food may not be as good (which we still are not sure of yet) and the wait staff would probably be the best dressed there (full tux and white glove service).

Site 2: My third choice, HER's first. This place was a mansion in the middle of a neighborhood. The lady we met was very nice the grounds had potential and most of the service could be held outside / in a tent. This is why HER loved this place. She thought the outdoor grounds here were prettier than in the other places, maybe because it had a fountain, I dunno. The tent she loved because it was closer to the outside and was fitted for both a/c and heat.

We went with site 1 because it was more practical, the outside ceremony site I honestly thought was prettier due to the fact that it had flowers and I wasn't looking at a wall, and I didn't very much like the idea of paying more for a more relaxed place. There were also tons of stairs and not as much parking. I would say we made the practical choice, HER would say we went with that place because I always get my way. -_-

Well, I hope you appreciate me shortening this down, this was actually a very long, drawn out, and repetitive process.

A Time and Place for Everything

The time and place this whole fiasco was to take place took more than a year to decide. It feels much longer though. When we first started to look we didn't have a house, and the crappy economy wasn't at the front of everyone's minds yet. The republican party still had a good hold on the government and their dogs adamantly refused to say that we were in a recession.

Does that feel like a long time ago to anyone else?

I any case the stars apparently have to align for you to have both a date and a place that you want. Having one without the other is totally useless in this process, you have to have both at the same time. It took us 2 months to learn that. Once that was learned why did it take so long? Because the Mother-N-Law and HER couldn't agree with anything. You see, back when I first proposed (and I did so knowing this would happen) we started talking about weddings. I gave her two options. I, the person who thinks weddings are superficial costly affairs, could have 50% of the say when it comes to decision making or I can do what most husbands do and pretend to care about every 3rd or 4th thing brought up to me. Her choose option A the 50% and we started planning. For the most part we agreed with everything or came to a compromise. It was actually kind of fun. When it came to talking to HER's mother about it though all of those ideas were basically tossed out the window and our wedding became the Mother-N-Law's show.

The fighting and frustration was mostly shouldered by HER. I was not allowed to speak to the Mother-N-Law because apparently I'm a loud and unfeeling machine and that's likely to pop the Mother-N-Law's bubble of emotionally charge, guilt powered paradigm. In HER's defense, that was probably a good idea. I probably would have been unmoved by the reasons why she would have wanted to do something and my stubbornness would probably make the Mother-N-Law want to kill me. The problem with that is that nothing really got done and had to deal with all of that mostly on her own. At this time I do want to point out that HER did a great job standing up for my right to have 50% say on this whole shindig. Wonderful job baby, I'm sorry it caused you so much trouble.

So a year of this goes on. HER fights with her mom, gets frustrated and comes crying to me, wishing she just listened to her father and eloped while begging me to not get involved. Personally I was starting to get tired of all this energy spent and making no progress what so ever. It wasn't until one day after another really long discussion between HER and the Mother-N-Law had a talk and finally got so fed up she refused to discuss it anymore and was going to let it be and if nothing happened by this day we would just get eloped.

To Be Continued...

...And I mean this, with all the love in the world...

Look, I've had a really nice weekend and a really nice Monday so please understand that I say this with no real anger, it's just something I have to get off my chest.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that I put myself out there quite a bit. I want to be accessible I want to live a life without secrets and regret and if people learn a lesson from my exploits or get a chuckle or two out of it, awesome. What I don't usually do is put other people's stuff out there. That's not my business. That's not something I want to do. This whole fiasco (wedding planning that is) happens to involve many people and because of that I have been relatively silent. However by doing so I have been neglecting this blog, and by doing that, not allowed this blog to do what it was originally created to do, nor have I discussed the specifications of making such an event come to fruition. Because of that I haven't said much but I've changed my mind and there are some things I need to get off my chest.

BUT, I am reminded that planning a wedding (and the wedding itself) is supposed to be a joyous occasion and we should not try and make things difficult. At least, that's what my mother tells me. So to honor her wishes (and perhaps keep myself out of the dog house) I will try and be fair but I will also be myself. So there.

First off let's talk about the players of this little game.

Groom-To-Be
Me. The guy who doesn't really put much stock into this marriage thing but is completely devoted to his fiance and wants to make her happy. Has a tendency to be loud, dense, and stubborn.
Main Objective: To get through this fiasco alive with minimal after effects from both sides of the families.

Bride-To-Be
Her. The girl who was cool enough to put up with me and patient enough to stay with me.
Main Objective: To have an outside, spiritual and happy (small) party with friends and family to dance all night with.

The-Mother-N-Law
Her's mom. The Jewish mother who is part of and raised a very emotional family with roots in French, Egyptian, and Jewish cultures. "Proper" is the name of her second religion and she will call upon that god to smite thy and thine logic should it go against her church.
Main Objective: Be Jewish. Be Proper.

The-Father-N-Law
Her's dad. The guy who doesn't want to be left behind despite having no real interest in the proceedings regardless of how many times he's warned that he probably doesn't want to be there.
Main Objective: To tell soon to be bride and groom that they should have eloped and to be heard whenever possible.

The-Sister-N-Law
Her's older sister. Is only mentioned here because she should have gotten married first sparing me from this ordeal.
Main Objective: None that I know of.

The-Mother
My mom. She's the florist.
Main Objective: Make sure I don't get myself into too much trouble with the Soon-To-Be-Bride, The-Mother-N-Law, The-Asians, The-Jews, or anyone else.

The-Asians
Mostly the rest of my family. It doesn't count unless it's done over good food.
Main Objective: To eat good food and if it's good enough, to throw munies at us.

The-Jews
Some of Her's family, some of my friends, some of which keep kosher. REAL kosher.
Main Objective: I don't know but it sure makes it harder to feed The-Asians "good food" if I can't give them beef, chicken, duck, pig, lamb, lobster, crab, oysters, or eels.

The-Father
My father. He's my father.
Main Objective: "Meh." (I love my daddy.)

So those are the players. There might be more but we'll get to them if they come up. Stories coming soon.