Merry X-mas everybody. My favorite x-mas story so far is this short one told to me by my friend Superpowered while he gave me my x-mas gift.
"I can't believe I'm giving a big asian jew, WHO'S AN ATHEIST, a bible FOR CHRISTMAS. ...And he wanted it!"
The bible in question was "The Jefferson Bible" and it was on my amazon wish list. I frankly had forgotten that I even had one.
In any case I'm not going to write the story I wanted to write for a couple reasons. First off it's christmas and even though I couldn't really give a damn about christmas it's still a holiday that people get together with friends and loved ones so I'll try to keep it as pleasant as possible. Secondly Her probably doesn't really want to read/hear it and had a trying day today so I'll spare her that. Thirdly, and this is mostly a combination of the first two reasons, it's christmas and I'm going to try to cheer up my baby and do my best to bring two sides together. What two sides and why do they need to be brought together? Well I'm not going to talk about it but I'll give you a hint. We're giving up and letting a certain mother in law have her way with everything and therefore taking no responsibility for the mess (or party) that may come; further enforcing that two certain people should have eloped from the beginning.
Ooops did I say that?
Anyways, on to bringing people together.
You may or may not know me but I'm sort of an atheist. To me that essentially means that I believe in the "abrahamic religions'" gods as much as I do the norse, egyptian and greek ones. And we all have our reasons why we believe in the things we do (or not). But tonight I don't want to talk about the different sides of the argument. I want to talk about what we would like from a god. Because whether or not we believe, there's no harm in writing a wish list for santa.
What I think that most people want from god is understanding. The idea that they are with us, see us and feel our plight, know our sorrows and be able to comfort us in times of need I feel is a consensus of one of people's needs and wants from god. If not that then at least love. A mothering love that saves us and provides us what we need in order to fulfill our dreams, or a stern one that disciplines us in order for us to grow. I believe we would all want a love that is there to want us to be happy and successful and will do anything for us to reach that goal whether we know it or not.
Well for those of us who have a god I hope you can agree with me on the wants that I listed. And for those who do not have a god I hope you are fortunate enough to be able to feel what love is. Because I want you understand me when I say that I love my fiancee, Her. And I want you to know the understanding she gives me every day. Through all my faults, all my mistakes, and all my hardships she is there for me, she feels me, and she comforts me; in my every time of need. More than that, she loves me. She loves me in that motherly way, the way that saves and the way that provides. When I need it, she'll also been the stern one, the one that will do what it takes so that we can grow.
I want you all to know that I love Her. You may not know us, but that's not the point. The point is that you understand how much I love her and that I'm pretty sure, she loves me too.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Turkey Day Recap and Chinese People are Crazy
Well Turkey day has come and gone and now Christmas is looming over our shoulder. Luckily we don't care cause we're Jewish and already finishing up Chanukkah. Still I felt a write up of our past thanksgiving was still in order.
This year's thanksgiving is my lowest count of turkey day meals I've had since I've started counting. I believe the number this year is 3. That's not to say it was a bad one or that I'm not as loved as all the previous years it's just that this year has been more adult than every other year. By that I mean I had a baby with me.
No, it wasn't a spawn of my own, "Seester" was in town with her hubby and child. I got to spend an entire Thanksgiving weekend with them and I was so happy to be able to. It's sad that I wasn't able to see a lot of other people but hopefully they'd understand that driving for an hour with an unhappy baby makes for a miserable time for everybody. So, sorry folks if I didn't get to see you this year for turkey and such but I'm blaming the baby and she's still a bit too cute for you to be mad at.
The person I do kind of feel sorry for though was Seester's hubby "Toddles." Why? Because he came down here, wasn't able to spend turkey day with any of his folks and was kind of thrown into "Chinese Family World." Now CFW can be like any ethnic family gathering; we're loud, we make you eat too much, we bicker then we make up. The only real differences are two things. We do this all in Chinese or broken english and we actually prefer that most people stay in the dark about it.
I would say more but then it wouldn't be very Chinese of me to do so. That and the writing of this has taken entirely too long and anything funny or any clever way to deliver my points across have been lost due to my very siv-like memory. So here are my points:
1) chinese people tend to group together and really don't give a damn if you feel like you belong or not. They just aren't that welcoming of other people and tend to be very happy to stay that way.
2) I have family now who's not very chinese at all and I feel sorry for them when they get thrown into CFW.
3) This is to show that I understand why it sucks. I don't know how much it sucks but I do know THAT is sucks. As of right now I don't have any solutions for the problem other than taking no part in the conversations and just sit there and play translator.
4) Oh I wanted to put up this link too to show that there's yet more evidence that show how much (not why) we are crazy.
5) I wanted to write this to get it out of the way because I REALLY wanted to write about recent developments on wedding planning. But that'll come later.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Music I'm not allowed to play at the wedding.
Here are three of them:
One cause I'm not allowed to get crunk...
I thought this one was pretty fly...
And this classic.
Can you believe it?
One cause I'm not allowed to get crunk...
I thought this one was pretty fly...
And this classic.
Can you believe it?
Monday, November 9, 2009
Meet Our Friends
Sorry for the delay. I've been crazy busy and then I forgot and then I lost the mood to do it. But not we're back in action, and by action I mean ass kissing.
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"SuperPowered"
Of the three he's most like: Nice.
SuperPowered and I have known each other since high school and throughout our lives, and the people we've known, SuperPowered is the one to stop us should we ever turned evil. Sure there maybe people who are stronger, or more powerful out there but there is not one else that would do a better job than SuperPowered. You know why? Cause in the land of the crazies if there was one rock that stood steadfast and refused to be dragged into the tumbling abyss that befell everyone around him; that rock would be SuperPowered. Trust me, he's been my friend for a long time and he's met some of my other friends too; he's prepared.
For me, no one makes it easier to come up with jokes than SuperPowered. The man is like a banter wall and no matter what you throw at it it just going to hit right back. You can't beat a wall in tennis and you can't beat SuperPowered in ridiculous questions, random jokes, and quick retorts. And in the end, SuperPowered is a real, true blue, decent human being. You can't beat that either.
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"SuperPowered"
Of the three he's most like: Nice.
SuperPowered and I have known each other since high school and throughout our lives, and the people we've known, SuperPowered is the one to stop us should we ever turned evil. Sure there maybe people who are stronger, or more powerful out there but there is not one else that would do a better job than SuperPowered. You know why? Cause in the land of the crazies if there was one rock that stood steadfast and refused to be dragged into the tumbling abyss that befell everyone around him; that rock would be SuperPowered. Trust me, he's been my friend for a long time and he's met some of my other friends too; he's prepared.
For me, no one makes it easier to come up with jokes than SuperPowered. The man is like a banter wall and no matter what you throw at it it just going to hit right back. You can't beat a wall in tennis and you can't beat SuperPowered in ridiculous questions, random jokes, and quick retorts. And in the end, SuperPowered is a real, true blue, decent human being. You can't beat that either.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Football Story
I'll get back to introducing friends in a bit but I've been busy and I wanted to tell this story.
I have a friend that I always watch Ravens football with. He's a great guy (Foose) and I'll be getting to his little profile soon. The thing you have to realize when I watch football is that I watch football to yell at the tv. And boy do I yell. I yell as if they can hear me and hearing me makes a difference in the game. Now that we understand that we can begin.
As part of my trying to get my friends to meet my other friends I dragged along a friend of mine (TrickWhiteyMan - his profile is coming up too) and his girl to watch a game with us over at Foose's and DeSweet's house. Now throughout the game I'm doing my standard yelling thing; "hit him," "kill him," "Dat's a first," etc. During one of these little bouts TrickWhiteyMan's girl whipsers to him, "do you think they [HER and I] have sex like that?" Before he could answer the opposing team intercepts the ball and starts running it down the field to which I started to yell, "You are going to get fucked! You are going to get fucked in the ass - TO DEATH!"
Which lead my friend, TrickWhiteyMan, leans over and answers his girl's question; "Yes."
I never even knew of this until he told me later on.
I have a friend that I always watch Ravens football with. He's a great guy (Foose) and I'll be getting to his little profile soon. The thing you have to realize when I watch football is that I watch football to yell at the tv. And boy do I yell. I yell as if they can hear me and hearing me makes a difference in the game. Now that we understand that we can begin.
As part of my trying to get my friends to meet my other friends I dragged along a friend of mine (TrickWhiteyMan - his profile is coming up too) and his girl to watch a game with us over at Foose's and DeSweet's house. Now throughout the game I'm doing my standard yelling thing; "hit him," "kill him," "Dat's a first," etc. During one of these little bouts TrickWhiteyMan's girl whipsers to him, "do you think they [HER and I] have sex like that?" Before he could answer the opposing team intercepts the ball and starts running it down the field to which I started to yell, "You are going to get fucked! You are going to get fucked in the ass - TO DEATH!"
Which lead my friend, TrickWhiteyMan, leans over and answers his girl's question; "Yes."
I never even knew of this until he told me later on.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"WarHen"
Of the three he's most like: Nice.
Don't you ever let me hear you say something ill about WarHen this guy is straight up and down like 6:00. He's the guy I used to be or maybe even still be if I never decided that getting girls was more important than being a nice guy. ... and if I were white. ... and if I were carved out of fucking solid oak. Ok so I'm nothing like him but that's probably for the best.
The fact of the matter is is that WarHen despite the ridiculous nickname I gave him is like a navigational tool that points you to a land of rainbows (both gay and non gay), flying unicorns, soft beds, lakes of stew and whiskey too. All you got to do listen. Dude knows what he's talking about. Ok for real, what else do you need to know? The dude is so hard you don't know where bones end and muscle start, he'll drive you home when you're absolutely drunk (ask HER) and he's ok with me giving him a nickname like "WarHen."
"WarHen"
Of the three he's most like: Nice.
Don't you ever let me hear you say something ill about WarHen this guy is straight up and down like 6:00. He's the guy I used to be or maybe even still be if I never decided that getting girls was more important than being a nice guy. ... and if I were white. ... and if I were carved out of fucking solid oak. Ok so I'm nothing like him but that's probably for the best.
The fact of the matter is is that WarHen despite the ridiculous nickname I gave him is like a navigational tool that points you to a land of rainbows (both gay and non gay), flying unicorns, soft beds, lakes of stew and whiskey too. All you got to do listen. Dude knows what he's talking about. Ok for real, what else do you need to know? The dude is so hard you don't know where bones end and muscle start, he'll drive you home when you're absolutely drunk (ask HER) and he's ok with me giving him a nickname like "WarHen."
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"DeSweet"
Of the three she's most like: Paitient.
Back during the days when I worked in retail hell DeSweet was one of my co-workers that just made the day go by easier. Always there with a smile or an encouraging giggle DeSweet is just someone who is so easy to get along with that sometimes you just feel bad for not being a better person. That's how it is for me that is. For what, 5 years? I've wondered how it is that this perfectly nice, perfectly sane individual would actually tolerate me being around for that long let alone even enjoy it.
Then one faithful day it hits me. STRIPPEROBICS. Stripperobics wha?! Stripperobics who?! I forgot the actual name of the class that DeSweet went to but in my head it's a stripperobics class. And that not only blew my mind but seem to fit so well at the same time. It was like finding the last piece of a 1,000 piece puzzle that you've lost right on top of a 20 dollar bill... lying right next to a stripper pole. It was awesome, it was sexy, it was fun it's just the type of person that DeSweet is.
"DeSweet"
Of the three she's most like: Paitient.
Back during the days when I worked in retail hell DeSweet was one of my co-workers that just made the day go by easier. Always there with a smile or an encouraging giggle DeSweet is just someone who is so easy to get along with that sometimes you just feel bad for not being a better person. That's how it is for me that is. For what, 5 years? I've wondered how it is that this perfectly nice, perfectly sane individual would actually tolerate me being around for that long let alone even enjoy it.
Then one faithful day it hits me. STRIPPEROBICS. Stripperobics wha?! Stripperobics who?! I forgot the actual name of the class that DeSweet went to but in my head it's a stripperobics class. And that not only blew my mind but seem to fit so well at the same time. It was like finding the last piece of a 1,000 piece puzzle that you've lost right on top of a 20 dollar bill... lying right next to a stripper pole. It was awesome, it was sexy, it was fun it's just the type of person that DeSweet is.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"Seester"
Of the three she's most like: Paitient.
I've known my Seester all my life. She's my 4-years-older-than-me cousin that I grew up with. She's like a sister to me so it shouldn't be all that surprising that the reason I got a shotgun (one of the bigger reasons anyways) was because she decided to go and spawn a little girl. I can't wait to be "that crazy uncle." Seester is my family and we are more alike than she'd probably like to admit. But she is definitely more proper and all the other reasons why girls may be better than boys.
Don't get me wrong, she will sock you. But she'll look really cute when she does it. She's the MOE anime character whereas I'm more hot blooded (or mabye even large ham). In any case my Seester is basically the type of person I want to be. She's more quality in a smaller package whereas I just try and make up for it in quantity. Because of which she is the other half of my muses. She's the one that encourages me to write better stuff because really, she's another reader and I have to try and compete with all the other awesome stuff that she has going on in her life.
"Seester"
Of the three she's most like: Paitient.
I've known my Seester all my life. She's my 4-years-older-than-me cousin that I grew up with. She's like a sister to me so it shouldn't be all that surprising that the reason I got a shotgun (one of the bigger reasons anyways) was because she decided to go and spawn a little girl. I can't wait to be "that crazy uncle." Seester is my family and we are more alike than she'd probably like to admit. But she is definitely more proper and all the other reasons why girls may be better than boys.
Don't get me wrong, she will sock you. But she'll look really cute when she does it. She's the MOE anime character whereas I'm more hot blooded (or mabye even large ham). In any case my Seester is basically the type of person I want to be. She's more quality in a smaller package whereas I just try and make up for it in quantity. Because of which she is the other half of my muses. She's the one that encourages me to write better stuff because really, she's another reader and I have to try and compete with all the other awesome stuff that she has going on in her life.
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
Of the three she's most like: Awesome.
Oh giggles, funny how I've known you for this long and only now give you a nickname. Honestly it was between "Giggles" and "Squeaker." I met Giggles my first year at college. Back during a time I was still figuring out who the hell I was I met this girl who was kind of shy but very nice and we would hang out in the halls of our dorm for hours into the late night. I'm happy to say that she has become a force to be reckoned with in a party. Without her, the true corruption of HER into the "party side" would not have been as complete.
Everyone and I mean everyone needs a friend like Giggles to have a complete life. She's the type of friend that will buy you drinks then hold your hair up while you empty your face after leaving the bar. In guy land she'd be the guy sitting in the holding cell next to you saying how "that girl didn't look like a cop did she?" You can't, I repeat, CAN'T have fun without people like Giggles around. I mean sure you can sit around with your brandy, cigar and monocle and dick wave about what parts of the world you rule, but nothing beats a Friday night with Giggles - drinking or not.
Of the three she's most like: Awesome.
Oh giggles, funny how I've known you for this long and only now give you a nickname. Honestly it was between "Giggles" and "Squeaker." I met Giggles my first year at college. Back during a time I was still figuring out who the hell I was I met this girl who was kind of shy but very nice and we would hang out in the halls of our dorm for hours into the late night. I'm happy to say that she has become a force to be reckoned with in a party. Without her, the true corruption of HER into the "party side" would not have been as complete.
Everyone and I mean everyone needs a friend like Giggles to have a complete life. She's the type of friend that will buy you drinks then hold your hair up while you empty your face after leaving the bar. In guy land she'd be the guy sitting in the holding cell next to you saying how "that girl didn't look like a cop did she?" You can't, I repeat, CAN'T have fun without people like Giggles around. I mean sure you can sit around with your brandy, cigar and monocle and dick wave about what parts of the world you rule, but nothing beats a Friday night with Giggles - drinking or not.
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"BuffetChild"
Of the three she's most like: Nice.
I met BuffetChild back in my second year of college. This parrot-head is everything good that I'm not; she's a fantastic reader, a terrific baker, a cat lover, compassionate and a mommy. We've had many adventures together and even lived under the same roof. This girl knows me down to the core (being that she's read everything I've ever wrote) and is still happy to see me and will give me pie! Her hubby is a lucky bastard.
BuffetChild has calmed down some since motherhood. I hear the lack of sleep really takes a toll after a while. Still she's still wonderful to be around and have a talk with. The girl who got me into politics and the shit they fling, the person who got my Jesus (who's the wedding photographer whose boss will be doing our wedding) into photography, and a person that just reads THAT much is definitely someone who you can talk to about anything and she'll know something about it.
"BuffetChild"
Of the three she's most like: Nice.
I met BuffetChild back in my second year of college. This parrot-head is everything good that I'm not; she's a fantastic reader, a terrific baker, a cat lover, compassionate and a mommy. We've had many adventures together and even lived under the same roof. This girl knows me down to the core (being that she's read everything I've ever wrote) and is still happy to see me and will give me pie! Her hubby is a lucky bastard.
BuffetChild has calmed down some since motherhood. I hear the lack of sleep really takes a toll after a while. Still she's still wonderful to be around and have a talk with. The girl who got me into politics and the shit they fling, the person who got my Jesus (who's the wedding photographer whose boss will be doing our wedding) into photography, and a person that just reads THAT much is definitely someone who you can talk to about anything and she'll know something about it.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"A-Bomb"
Of the three he's most like: Awesome.
I met A-Bomb through a mutual friend of ours. Since then we've been through many adventures and a fair bit of highs and lows. I would say A-Bomb maintains a very high level of balance between brains in balls. He's probably one of the smartest people I know of and also one of the more likely ones to jump balls first into something just for the thrill of it. He is what I imagine one of those at home, computer programmer types that goes out to a goth rave at night wrapped in a wine aficionado's shell.
A-Bomb is fricken brilliant and kind of willing to do anything and not shy. All those combined may make him sound intimidating but he's also really easy to talk to, he is always able to give a helping hand if he can, and he's got a cock like a babies' arm. I mean if I were to introduce him I'd be like "this is A... and his bomb."
"A-Bomb"
Of the three he's most like: Awesome.
I met A-Bomb through a mutual friend of ours. Since then we've been through many adventures and a fair bit of highs and lows. I would say A-Bomb maintains a very high level of balance between brains in balls. He's probably one of the smartest people I know of and also one of the more likely ones to jump balls first into something just for the thrill of it. He is what I imagine one of those at home, computer programmer types that goes out to a goth rave at night wrapped in a wine aficionado's shell.
A-Bomb is fricken brilliant and kind of willing to do anything and not shy. All those combined may make him sound intimidating but he's also really easy to talk to, he is always able to give a helping hand if he can, and he's got a cock like a babies' arm. I mean if I were to introduce him I'd be like "this is A... and his bomb."
Meet Our Friends
I mentioned that I had wanted to introduce my friends to each other so I put out an open-air invite: HER and I are getting married (eventually...). I need to start introducing our people to our other people. THEREFORE those of you brave enough should send me a message saying "HIM (or whatever else you call me), blog me." Which I will then proceed to create a blog post about you and include a picture (probably either from my records or your facebook) and some other stuff I feel people should know about you. It will essentially be me kissing your ass for AT LEAST 2 paragraphs.
"Daema"
Of the three she's most like: Awesome.
I met Daema in college. I believe she lived below me at one point in time. I don't actually remember how we met but it was a long time ago. Daema is an emo-punk-gothic mentality wrapped in a sex-kitten-suicide-girl-ass-kickin package. Since I have known her she's never been too shy to speak her mind nor too unnecessarily cruel to subject you to how she really feels about, whatever. Translation: she'll speak her mind but in a nice way until you piss her off.
Daema is completely fun to party, hang out with, or just game. Yes she plays WoW, yes she has a lvl 80 rollin' in purps at the time of this writing. She's not quite full fledged nerd in my eyes but she more than makes up for it in bad-assery. Daema is also one of my muses for nearly everything from art to subject matter in this blog so if it wasn't for her half of this stuff wouldn't be here and the stuff that IS here would mostly be whinning.
"Daema"
Of the three she's most like: Awesome.
I met Daema in college. I believe she lived below me at one point in time. I don't actually remember how we met but it was a long time ago. Daema is an emo-punk-gothic mentality wrapped in a sex-kitten-suicide-girl-ass-kickin package. Since I have known her she's never been too shy to speak her mind nor too unnecessarily cruel to subject you to how she really feels about, whatever. Translation: she'll speak her mind but in a nice way until you piss her off.
Daema is completely fun to party, hang out with, or just game. Yes she plays WoW, yes she has a lvl 80 rollin' in purps at the time of this writing. She's not quite full fledged nerd in my eyes but she more than makes up for it in bad-assery. Daema is also one of my muses for nearly everything from art to subject matter in this blog so if it wasn't for her half of this stuff wouldn't be here and the stuff that IS here would mostly be whinning.
Mixing of Friends
Not to sound too egotistical or anything but I have a fair amount of friends. Not in a my-space-face-book-you're just a number to me sort of way either. I try to make friends wherever I go and I have been fairly successful in my travels. I've kept some friends since High School, separate years at college, from the gaming guilds I've had, work associates that have become friends, friends of friends and random people I've just randomly met. And while I'm pretty good at making friends I'm not too good at mixing them.
For some reason I have always just kept one group of friends separate from another group. Even the friends I made at college I have different groups for almost each year. Now this may make me sound like I lead different lives or that I'm fickle with people, or whatever but I'd like to think I try to be there when people really need me or when they just want to hang out. Sure this sort of thing would be easier if I hadn't been spreading myself thin but things happen, people move, and life goes on. If I didn't really care about these people I could have easily just let them slip away and never really talk to them again. Luckily (and maybe even the cause of which) I am an internet whore and keeping up with me is rather easy. I also have a fairly long commute which allows me time to call up people just to say hi.
And so, I finally get to the point. I have these groups of people that I know from different areas and times of my life and they are going to be invited to our wedding. Most of these people have known me for YEARS but don't really know each other at all. Sure some of them may know OF each other but haven't really had the time to get to know them like I know them, meaning, they would actually be polite to each other instead of instantly whipping into racial jokes, ass slaps, and drink requests. Yes, these are the types of people I tend to hang out with (are able to tolerate me).
And so because a wedding will happen eventually (if all goes according to plan) and these types of people will be invited I have to think of some way for them to realize that they all have hung out with me and have therefore gone through a social filter leaving only the awesome, nice and very very very patient. This usually means a party of some time thrown by me and filled with me introducing one person to way more people than a person can possibly remember instantly. But the way parties tend to happen is that people spend most of the night hanging out with people who they already know and that may leave out the nice and the very very patient of my friends. The awesome ones I never really have to worry about, they'll get drunk, drop their pants and start singing songs at any minute, with anyone who would join them.
So what I have started doing is start inviting a few from each group and forcing them to interact with each other in small intimate groups, until they realize that all sides are awesome and can be even more awesome together. Then I'll throw a big awesome awesome party, so everyone can celebrate how awesome awesome people are. And that, if I had my way, would be my wedding.
Is this being manipulative? Can I wear out the word "awesome" any faster?
Awesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesome.
For some reason I have always just kept one group of friends separate from another group. Even the friends I made at college I have different groups for almost each year. Now this may make me sound like I lead different lives or that I'm fickle with people, or whatever but I'd like to think I try to be there when people really need me or when they just want to hang out. Sure this sort of thing would be easier if I hadn't been spreading myself thin but things happen, people move, and life goes on. If I didn't really care about these people I could have easily just let them slip away and never really talk to them again. Luckily (and maybe even the cause of which) I am an internet whore and keeping up with me is rather easy. I also have a fairly long commute which allows me time to call up people just to say hi.
And so, I finally get to the point. I have these groups of people that I know from different areas and times of my life and they are going to be invited to our wedding. Most of these people have known me for YEARS but don't really know each other at all. Sure some of them may know OF each other but haven't really had the time to get to know them like I know them, meaning, they would actually be polite to each other instead of instantly whipping into racial jokes, ass slaps, and drink requests. Yes, these are the types of people I tend to hang out with (are able to tolerate me).
And so because a wedding will happen eventually (if all goes according to plan) and these types of people will be invited I have to think of some way for them to realize that they all have hung out with me and have therefore gone through a social filter leaving only the awesome, nice and very very very patient. This usually means a party of some time thrown by me and filled with me introducing one person to way more people than a person can possibly remember instantly. But the way parties tend to happen is that people spend most of the night hanging out with people who they already know and that may leave out the nice and the very very patient of my friends. The awesome ones I never really have to worry about, they'll get drunk, drop their pants and start singing songs at any minute, with anyone who would join them.
So what I have started doing is start inviting a few from each group and forcing them to interact with each other in small intimate groups, until they realize that all sides are awesome and can be even more awesome together. Then I'll throw a big awesome awesome party, so everyone can celebrate how awesome awesome people are. And that, if I had my way, would be my wedding.
Is this being manipulative? Can I wear out the word "awesome" any faster?
Awesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesome.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Here's Me, Asking my Rabbi if She'd Official Our Wedding
First a quick shout out to Rabbi Baum (HELLO!). This is her website/community, her twitter and this is where you can vote for her to be a Jewish hero. Yay!
E-mail as follows:
>>>>>>>
*Waves*
My name is [HIM] you may know me as "BigChinky" on twitter but if you don't that's ok. I'm writing you today because well, you're my Rabbi. I'm getting married you see, wait, first off I want to apologize if I'm doing things out of order. I am not too aware of the proper protocol for this sort of thing so if I say or do something wrong please don't take any offense. So as I was saying I'm getting married you see and both my fiance [HER] and I have been looking for a synagogue to sort of call our own. That's kind of how you found me.
Well since then I've very much enjoyed the community you've established and very much see you as my Rabbi. And yes while the search for a synagogue to visit still continues with [HER] and myself, I do sort of feel like I'm "cheating" on my Rabbi (you). Not in any sort of romantic sense but in the same vein as one may feel going to a different barber/hairstylist than their regular.
In any case my point is this. We are getting married on 10/10/10 (neat date eh?). And I would personally be honored if you would be my Rabbi during the ceremony. [HER] is ok with the idea but frankly neither of us are too sure about what the proper procedure to do/ask this sort of thing is. So I, being the more un-kosher and less worried about appearing shameful of the two of us volunteered to ask you if 1) would you be our Rabbi and officiant of our wedding 2) if so, (thank you!) what do we have to do? and 3) how are we to go about doing it?
Now I understand this may be a bit of a leap as you may not know us very well (it's cool I understand). So here's what I can offer at this moment. Of course we would pay for your round trip ticket to Baltimore MD (business class) and a night or two in the nearby hotel. This is our blog: ( http://chinkyjew.blogspot.com/ ) that we both write in (even though it's mostly me). Careful, I do enjoy swearing on that thing. It will sort of let you know what kind of people we are. As for a more upfront introduction that follows:
My name is [HIM], I was born in DC on 1983 two two parents who immigrated here from Taiwan. I am a 6'2" 300 lbs Chinese-American raised with no particular religion from my parents. I'm pretty loud and outgoing and have to basic goals in life; to learn or do something that I've never experience before and to have kids so my family line doesn't die out.
My fiance's name is [HER]. She was born to an French/Egyptian Jewish mother and a full-blooded American East coast Jew. She was raised in a pretty conservative synagogue and has family that ranges from not-really-observant to from-Israel-pretty-Orthodox Jew. She is energetic, spunky and terribly nice.
I realize this is getting long and I know you are short on time so I apologize. But any insight or wisdom you are able to impart on us would be very appreciated.
Have a wonderful day, I look forward to hearing your service tonight.
[HIM]
E-mail as follows:
>>>>>>>
*Waves*
My name is [HIM] you may know me as "BigChinky" on twitter but if you don't that's ok. I'm writing you today because well, you're my Rabbi. I'm getting married you see, wait, first off I want to apologize if I'm doing things out of order. I am not too aware of the proper protocol for this sort of thing so if I say or do something wrong please don't take any offense. So as I was saying I'm getting married you see and both my fiance [HER] and I have been looking for a synagogue to sort of call our own. That's kind of how you found me.
Well since then I've very much enjoyed the community you've established and very much see you as my Rabbi. And yes while the search for a synagogue to visit still continues with [HER] and myself, I do sort of feel like I'm "cheating" on my Rabbi (you). Not in any sort of romantic sense but in the same vein as one may feel going to a different barber/hairstylist than their regular.
In any case my point is this. We are getting married on 10/10/10 (neat date eh?). And I would personally be honored if you would be my Rabbi during the ceremony. [HER] is ok with the idea but frankly neither of us are too sure about what the proper procedure to do/ask this sort of thing is. So I, being the more un-kosher and less worried about appearing shameful of the two of us volunteered to ask you if 1) would you be our Rabbi and officiant of our wedding 2) if so, (thank you!) what do we have to do? and 3) how are we to go about doing it?
Now I understand this may be a bit of a leap as you may not know us very well (it's cool I understand). So here's what I can offer at this moment. Of course we would pay for your round trip ticket to Baltimore MD (business class) and a night or two in the nearby hotel. This is our blog: ( http://chinkyjew.blogspot.com/
My name is [HIM], I was born in DC on 1983 two two parents who immigrated here from Taiwan. I am a 6'2" 300 lbs Chinese-American raised with no particular religion from my parents. I'm pretty loud and outgoing and have to basic goals in life; to learn or do something that I've never experience before and to have kids so my family line doesn't die out.
My fiance's name is [HER]. She was born to an French/Egyptian Jewish mother and a full-blooded American East coast Jew. She was raised in a pretty conservative synagogue and has family that ranges from not-really-observant to from-Israel-pretty-Orthodox Jew. She is energetic, spunky and terribly nice.
I realize this is getting long and I know you are short on time so I apologize. But any insight or wisdom you are able to impart on us would be very appreciated.
Have a wonderful day, I look forward to hearing your service tonight.
[HIM]
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I Propose...
For those of you who have never heard how I proposed to HER here it is.
It was a Saturday morning and we were waking up together. We didn't have anything planned so we just laid there, cuddled and chatted. Here's how the conversation sort of went.
Blah blah blah blah blah...
HER: So, are you ok with being financially ruined by me then?
(*I had previously said that I would be ready to marry someone when I am ok with being financially ruined by them.)
Me: Yea I guess I'm pretty much there.
HER: So does that mean you want to marry me?
Me: Well I can't really imagine not wanting to marry you.
HER: Are you proposing?
Me: Uh I guess. Will you marry me?
Her: (I actually forgot what she said but figure it was some variation of "yes.")
So then we get up and roll over to an antique jewelry shop to buy her a ring.
That was the story of how I proposed. This is a new story.
Ever since we bought that ring I always said I'd get her another one. Something with a bit more "flash," something new, something a bit more us. While HER was perfectly happy with the one she got she wasn't really against another ring though. Each of us had our own conditions though. I didn't want a ring that would cut my hand up, I hated diamonds so at the very least a diamond couldn't be the center piece of the ring, and it had to be durable or else she'd destroy it. She didn't like gold or yellow metals so it had to be platinum, she wanted something simple yet elegant and definitely unique.
Many of the jewelry places we went to had pretty much the same rings. Yea, the diamonds varied the cut, clarity, color and carat (I actually know of this shit) but for the most part it was all the same or similar. Ring shopping was starting to become one very annoying process. Which I guess was good since it sort of prepared me for the eventual wedding process that I'm going through now.
It wasn't until we went to Taiwan where we met up with my aunt and a friend of the family and went jewelry shopping. There, we met a designer who we worked with letting us talk about what ideas we had and how we wanted it and saying what was a good idea and teaching us why some things were bad. In the end we settled on a design that everyone like. I thought it was very us and met all of my criteria, she thought it was elegant and very unique but worried about how it would turn out since we only saw it in drawing form. She's also not very good at imagining something in her head.
Well, the ring came and I rushed to my parents house to get it. My cousin was kind enough to get it for me on her recent trip to Taiwan and drop it off at my parents house. The ring was kept in a box in a bag that looked like it housed some fancy Chinese chocolates. I hid it behind HER's pillow between the bed frame and the wall.
When we went to bed last night I asked her to move down a little since she likes to sleep on my arm and having it raised like that made it feel weird after a whole night. It didn't really (what am I a pussy?) but it did get her head out of the way of the ring. As she was starting to get settled I pull out the bag. When she asked me what it was I told her it was chocolate. She had been wanting chocolate the past few days so hearing that she snatched the bag away from me and demanded that I tell her why I've been bogarting chocolate from her. I told her to hold on and I'd open the bag. I opened the bag took out the box and asked her if she'd marry me (again). She said something (what it was exactly I forgot) that was essentially a yes and I put her new ring on her.
I thought it was cool that I'd propose to her again in bed this time as we were going to sleep instead of waking up but I think she was kind of sad that it wasn't really chocolate.
It was a Saturday morning and we were waking up together. We didn't have anything planned so we just laid there, cuddled and chatted. Here's how the conversation sort of went.
Blah blah blah blah blah...
HER: So, are you ok with being financially ruined by me then?
(*I had previously said that I would be ready to marry someone when I am ok with being financially ruined by them.)
Me: Yea I guess I'm pretty much there.
HER: So does that mean you want to marry me?
Me: Well I can't really imagine not wanting to marry you.
HER: Are you proposing?
Me: Uh I guess. Will you marry me?
Her: (I actually forgot what she said but figure it was some variation of "yes.")
So then we get up and roll over to an antique jewelry shop to buy her a ring.
That was the story of how I proposed. This is a new story.
Ever since we bought that ring I always said I'd get her another one. Something with a bit more "flash," something new, something a bit more us. While HER was perfectly happy with the one she got she wasn't really against another ring though. Each of us had our own conditions though. I didn't want a ring that would cut my hand up, I hated diamonds so at the very least a diamond couldn't be the center piece of the ring, and it had to be durable or else she'd destroy it. She didn't like gold or yellow metals so it had to be platinum, she wanted something simple yet elegant and definitely unique.
Many of the jewelry places we went to had pretty much the same rings. Yea, the diamonds varied the cut, clarity, color and carat (I actually know of this shit) but for the most part it was all the same or similar. Ring shopping was starting to become one very annoying process. Which I guess was good since it sort of prepared me for the eventual wedding process that I'm going through now.
It wasn't until we went to Taiwan where we met up with my aunt and a friend of the family and went jewelry shopping. There, we met a designer who we worked with letting us talk about what ideas we had and how we wanted it and saying what was a good idea and teaching us why some things were bad. In the end we settled on a design that everyone like. I thought it was very us and met all of my criteria, she thought it was elegant and very unique but worried about how it would turn out since we only saw it in drawing form. She's also not very good at imagining something in her head.
Well, the ring came and I rushed to my parents house to get it. My cousin was kind enough to get it for me on her recent trip to Taiwan and drop it off at my parents house. The ring was kept in a box in a bag that looked like it housed some fancy Chinese chocolates. I hid it behind HER's pillow between the bed frame and the wall.
When we went to bed last night I asked her to move down a little since she likes to sleep on my arm and having it raised like that made it feel weird after a whole night. It didn't really (what am I a pussy?) but it did get her head out of the way of the ring. As she was starting to get settled I pull out the bag. When she asked me what it was I told her it was chocolate. She had been wanting chocolate the past few days so hearing that she snatched the bag away from me and demanded that I tell her why I've been bogarting chocolate from her. I told her to hold on and I'd open the bag. I opened the bag took out the box and asked her if she'd marry me (again). She said something (what it was exactly I forgot) that was essentially a yes and I put her new ring on her.
I thought it was cool that I'd propose to her again in bed this time as we were going to sleep instead of waking up but I think she was kind of sad that it wasn't really chocolate.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Breakdown
Let me breakdown to you what it is that I really cared about for this wedding. I want people to party and I want to do something different than all the (many) other weddings I've been to. So for me this mostly breaks down into food, photography and music. There are other things too such as I want to cut a cake (or better yet a pie) with a samurai sword but those really aren't that important. The three big things are the food, the music and the pictures. Or rather those are the things that cost the most money.
The food has yet to be addressed in full, I'm not quite done with the music but the pictures are done and boy, was that fun. One of my grooms men is a professional wedding photographer. I've worked with him on many projects, I respect (hell I'm down right envious of) his work and I was able to get his boss, someone that HE considers great, to shoot my wedding. It really wasn't much of a debate, it'd be almost criminal to not go with them. So please excuse me if I sound a little rude when I say I didn't really care about what Mother-N-Law had to say about the photographer.
Here's the [really really really edited] story.
We were looking for a time to go meet... Wait, let me introduce the photographer:
Bradley (hell I'll give him a shout-out).
One of my groomsmen's boss. He's a pretty young, clean cut, and an ADD as all hell individual. I've heard many stories about him and have seen his work. His work is pretty awesome and he's definitely not boring.
Main Goal: To sell himself, to sell his company and to do a good job.
We got the photographer which went rather easily compared to everything else. Some stuff happened afterward and I was really REALLY annoyed at Mother-N-Law. I was justified.
The food has yet to be addressed in full, I'm not quite done with the music but the pictures are done and boy, was that fun. One of my grooms men is a professional wedding photographer. I've worked with him on many projects, I respect (hell I'm down right envious of) his work and I was able to get his boss, someone that HE considers great, to shoot my wedding. It really wasn't much of a debate, it'd be almost criminal to not go with them. So please excuse me if I sound a little rude when I say I didn't really care about what Mother-N-Law had to say about the photographer.
Here's the [really really really edited] story.
We were looking for a time to go meet... Wait, let me introduce the photographer:
Bradley (hell I'll give him a shout-out).
One of my groomsmen's boss. He's a pretty young, clean cut, and an ADD as all hell individual. I've heard many stories about him and have seen his work. His work is pretty awesome and he's definitely not boring.
Main Goal: To sell himself, to sell his company and to do a good job.
We got the photographer which went rather easily compared to everything else. Some stuff happened afterward and I was really REALLY annoyed at Mother-N-Law. I was justified.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A Time and Place for Everything Part 2
With the thought of actually eloping now on the table I tried to convince HER to let me in on negotiating with her mother. After all, what was there to lose? She agreed and we arranged a time to go over to a place, and talk about it. I was expecting we would sit down and talk about budget, what needs to be done, a time line, set a date, max and min number of guests etc. The Mother-N-Law was expecting us to go check out another site. So guess what we did? We went and saw another site. The only productive thing about this particular visit was it started to create the roles the players were to take in this ordeal and we were a little closer to setting a date. Not quite what I had in mind but more was accomplished that day than more than a year's worth of effort prior so I at least had to be happy about that.
Here's how our little merry band would work within itself - Mother-N-Law would suggest a place or something or other and we would all go. HER when we got there would give me a little prep talk to not offend her mother. Once we were there and sitting down with someone Mother-N-Law and HER would sit there and talk about whatever and every so often would ask me a question about something or other. Every so often Father-N-Law would want to say something that neither HER nor her mother wanted to hear. I would then take it upon myself to intercept his opinion so he would feel like he's being heard while not distracting the girls from doing or talking about whatever.
And that's how we visited sites. The girls would talk about something and when that something involved an issue that I cared about (and I'll get to that later) I would chime in. Otherwise I just gave Father-N-Law the attention he was seeking and enjoyed the free drinks I was often given. Eventually after visiting site after site we came down to two sites.
Damn this may be longer than I expected.
Site 1: My first choice, HER's second. This was a very nice place that gave us a fantastic deal. It was easily the best bang for the buck, the ceremony site as well as the grounds in general were gorgeous. They had elevators for the less-than-capable. The biggest problem would possibly be that the food may not be as good (which we still are not sure of yet) and the wait staff would probably be the best dressed there (full tux and white glove service).
Site 2: My third choice, HER's first. This place was a mansion in the middle of a neighborhood. The lady we met was very nice the grounds had potential and most of the service could be held outside / in a tent. This is why HER loved this place. She thought the outdoor grounds here were prettier than in the other places, maybe because it had a fountain, I dunno. The tent she loved because it was closer to the outside and was fitted for both a/c and heat.
We went with site 1 because it was more practical, the outside ceremony site I honestly thought was prettier due to the fact that it had flowers and I wasn't looking at a wall, and I didn't very much like the idea of paying more for a more relaxed place. There were also tons of stairs and not as much parking. I would say we made the practical choice, HER would say we went with that place because I always get my way. -_-
Well, I hope you appreciate me shortening this down, this was actually a very long, drawn out, and repetitive process.
Here's how our little merry band would work within itself - Mother-N-Law would suggest a place or something or other and we would all go. HER when we got there would give me a little prep talk to not offend her mother. Once we were there and sitting down with someone Mother-N-Law and HER would sit there and talk about whatever and every so often would ask me a question about something or other. Every so often Father-N-Law would want to say something that neither HER nor her mother wanted to hear. I would then take it upon myself to intercept his opinion so he would feel like he's being heard while not distracting the girls from doing or talking about whatever.
And that's how we visited sites. The girls would talk about something and when that something involved an issue that I cared about (and I'll get to that later) I would chime in. Otherwise I just gave Father-N-Law the attention he was seeking and enjoyed the free drinks I was often given. Eventually after visiting site after site we came down to two sites.
Damn this may be longer than I expected.
Site 1: My first choice, HER's second. This was a very nice place that gave us a fantastic deal. It was easily the best bang for the buck, the ceremony site as well as the grounds in general were gorgeous. They had elevators for the less-than-capable. The biggest problem would possibly be that the food may not be as good (which we still are not sure of yet) and the wait staff would probably be the best dressed there (full tux and white glove service).
Site 2: My third choice, HER's first. This place was a mansion in the middle of a neighborhood. The lady we met was very nice the grounds had potential and most of the service could be held outside / in a tent. This is why HER loved this place. She thought the outdoor grounds here were prettier than in the other places, maybe because it had a fountain, I dunno. The tent she loved because it was closer to the outside and was fitted for both a/c and heat.
We went with site 1 because it was more practical, the outside ceremony site I honestly thought was prettier due to the fact that it had flowers and I wasn't looking at a wall, and I didn't very much like the idea of paying more for a more relaxed place. There were also tons of stairs and not as much parking. I would say we made the practical choice, HER would say we went with that place because I always get my way. -_-
Well, I hope you appreciate me shortening this down, this was actually a very long, drawn out, and repetitive process.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A Time and Place for Everything
The time and place this whole fiasco was to take place took more than a year to decide. It feels much longer though. When we first started to look we didn't have a house, and the crappy economy wasn't at the front of everyone's minds yet. The republican party still had a good hold on the government and their dogs adamantly refused to say that we were in a recession.
Does that feel like a long time ago to anyone else?
I any case the stars apparently have to align for you to have both a date and a place that you want. Having one without the other is totally useless in this process, you have to have both at the same time. It took us 2 months to learn that. Once that was learned why did it take so long? Because the Mother-N-Law and HER couldn't agree with anything. You see, back when I first proposed (and I did so knowing this would happen) we started talking about weddings. I gave her two options. I, the person who thinks weddings are superficial costly affairs, could have 50% of the say when it comes to decision making or I can do what most husbands do and pretend to care about every 3rd or 4th thing brought up to me. Her choose option A the 50% and we started planning. For the most part we agreed with everything or came to a compromise. It was actually kind of fun. When it came to talking to HER's mother about it though all of those ideas were basically tossed out the window and our wedding became the Mother-N-Law's show.
The fighting and frustration was mostly shouldered by HER. I was not allowed to speak to the Mother-N-Law because apparently I'm a loud and unfeeling machine and that's likely to pop the Mother-N-Law's bubble of emotionally charge, guilt powered paradigm. In HER's defense, that was probably a good idea. I probably would have been unmoved by the reasons why she would have wanted to do something and my stubbornness would probably make the Mother-N-Law want to kill me. The problem with that is that nothing really got done and had to deal with all of that mostly on her own. At this time I do want to point out that HER did a great job standing up for my right to have 50% say on this whole shindig. Wonderful job baby, I'm sorry it caused you so much trouble.
So a year of this goes on. HER fights with her mom, gets frustrated and comes crying to me, wishing she just listened to her father and eloped while begging me to not get involved. Personally I was starting to get tired of all this energy spent and making no progress what so ever. It wasn't until one day after another really long discussion between HER and the Mother-N-Law had a talk and finally got so fed up she refused to discuss it anymore and was going to let it be and if nothing happened by this day we would just get eloped.
To Be Continued...
Does that feel like a long time ago to anyone else?
I any case the stars apparently have to align for you to have both a date and a place that you want. Having one without the other is totally useless in this process, you have to have both at the same time. It took us 2 months to learn that. Once that was learned why did it take so long?
The fighting and frustration was mostly shouldered by HER. I was not allowed to speak to the Mother-N-Law because apparently I'm a loud and unfeeling machine and that's likely to pop the Mother-N-Law's bubble of emotionally charge, guilt powered paradigm. In HER's defense, that was probably a good idea. I probably would have been unmoved by the reasons why she would have wanted to do something and my stubbornness would probably make the Mother-N-Law want to kill me. The problem with that is that nothing really got done and had to deal with all of that mostly on her own. At this time I do want to point out that HER did a great job standing up for my right to have 50% say on this whole shindig. Wonderful job baby, I'm sorry it caused you so much trouble.
So a year of this goes on. HER fights with her mom, gets frustrated and comes crying to me, wishing she just listened to her father and eloped while begging me to not get involved. Personally I was starting to get tired of all this energy spent and making no progress what so ever. It wasn't until one day after another really long discussion between HER and the Mother-N-Law had a talk and finally got so fed up she refused to discuss it anymore and was going to let it be and if nothing happened by this day we would just get eloped.
To Be Continued...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
...And I mean this, with all the love in the world...
Look, I've had a really nice weekend and a really nice Monday so please understand that I say this with no real anger, it's just something I have to get off my chest.
It shouldn't surprise anyone that I put myself out there quite a bit. I want to be accessible I want to live a life without secrets and regret and if people learn a lesson from my exploits or get a chuckle or two out of it, awesome. What I don't usually do is put other people's stuff out there. That's not my business. That's not something I want to do. This whole fiasco (wedding planning that is) happens to involve many people and because of that I have been relatively silent. However by doing so I have been neglecting this blog, and by doing that, not allowed this blog to do what it was originally created to do, nor have I discussed the specifications of making such an event come to fruition. Because of that I haven't said much but I've changed my mind and there are some things I need to get off my chest.
BUT, I am reminded that planning a wedding (and the wedding itself) is supposed to be a joyous occasion and we should not try and make things difficult. At least, that's what my mother tells me. So to honor her wishes (and perhaps keep myself out of the dog house) I will try and be fair but I will also be myself. So there.
First off let's talk about the players of this little game.
Groom-To-Be
Me. The guy who doesn't really put much stock into this marriage thing but is completely devoted to his fiance and wants to make her happy. Has a tendency to be loud, dense, and stubborn.
Main Objective: To get through this fiasco alive with minimal after effects from both sides of the families.
Bride-To-Be
Her. The girl who was cool enough to put up with me and patient enough to stay with me.
Main Objective: To have an outside, spiritual and happy (small) party with friends and family to dance all night with.
The-Mother-N-Law
Her's mom. The Jewish mother who is part of and raised a very emotional family with roots in French, Egyptian, and Jewish cultures. "Proper" is the name of her second religion and she will call upon that god to smite thy and thine logic should it go against her church.
Main Objective: Be Jewish. Be Proper.
The-Father-N-Law
Her's dad. The guy who doesn't want to be left behind despite having no real interest in the proceedings regardless of how many times he's warned that he probably doesn't want to be there.
Main Objective: To tell soon to be bride and groom that they should have eloped and to be heard whenever possible.
The-Sister-N-Law
Her's older sister. Is only mentioned here because she should have gotten married first sparing me from this ordeal.
Main Objective: None that I know of.
The-Mother
My mom. She's the florist.
Main Objective: Make sure I don't get myself into too much trouble with the Soon-To-Be-Bride, The-Mother-N-Law, The-Asians, The-Jews, or anyone else.
The-Asians
Mostly the rest of my family. It doesn't count unless it's done over good food.
Main Objective: To eat good food and if it's good enough, to throw munies at us.
The-Jews
Some of Her's family, some of my friends, some of which keep kosher. REAL kosher.
Main Objective: I don't know but it sure makes it harder to feed The-Asians "good food" if I can't give them beef, chicken, duck, pig, lamb, lobster, crab, oysters, or eels.
The-Father
My father. He's my father.
Main Objective: "Meh." (I love my daddy.)
So those are the players. There might be more but we'll get to them if they come up. Stories coming soon.
It shouldn't surprise anyone that I put myself out there quite a bit. I want to be accessible I want to live a life without secrets and regret and if people learn a lesson from my exploits or get a chuckle or two out of it, awesome. What I don't usually do is put other people's stuff out there. That's not my business. That's not something I want to do. This whole fiasco (wedding planning that is) happens to involve many people and because of that I have been relatively silent. However by doing so I have been neglecting this blog, and by doing that, not allowed this blog to do what it was originally created to do, nor have I discussed the specifications of making such an event come to fruition. Because of that I haven't said much but I've changed my mind and there are some things I need to get off my chest.
BUT, I am reminded that planning a wedding (and the wedding itself) is supposed to be a joyous occasion and we should not try and make things difficult. At least, that's what my mother tells me. So to honor her wishes (and perhaps keep myself out of the dog house) I will try and be fair but I will also be myself. So there.
First off let's talk about the players of this little game.
Groom-To-Be
Me. The guy who doesn't really put much stock into this marriage thing but is completely devoted to his fiance and wants to make her happy. Has a tendency to be loud, dense, and stubborn.
Main Objective: To get through this fiasco alive with minimal after effects from both sides of the families.
Bride-To-Be
Her. The girl who was cool enough to put up with me and patient enough to stay with me.
Main Objective: To have an outside, spiritual and happy (small) party with friends and family to dance all night with.
The-Mother-N-Law
Her's mom. The Jewish mother who is part of and raised a very emotional family with roots in French, Egyptian, and Jewish cultures. "Proper" is the name of her second religion and she will call upon that god to smite thy and thine logic should it go against her church.
Main Objective: Be Jewish. Be Proper.
The-Father-N-Law
Her's dad. The guy who doesn't want to be left behind despite having no real interest in the proceedings regardless of how many times he's warned that he probably doesn't want to be there.
Main Objective: To tell soon to be bride and groom that they should have eloped and to be heard whenever possible.
The-Sister-N-Law
Her's older sister. Is only mentioned here because she should have gotten married first sparing me from this ordeal.
Main Objective: None that I know of.
The-Mother
My mom. She's the florist.
Main Objective: Make sure I don't get myself into too much trouble with the Soon-To-Be-Bride, The-Mother-N-Law, The-Asians, The-Jews, or anyone else.
The-Asians
Mostly the rest of my family. It doesn't count unless it's done over good food.
Main Objective: To eat good food and if it's good enough, to throw munies at us.
The-Jews
Some of Her's family, some of my friends, some of which keep kosher. REAL kosher.
Main Objective: I don't know but it sure makes it harder to feed The-Asians "good food" if I can't give them beef, chicken, duck, pig, lamb, lobster, crab, oysters, or eels.
The-Father
My father. He's my father.
Main Objective: "Meh." (I love my daddy.)
So those are the players. There might be more but we'll get to them if they come up. Stories coming soon.
Monday, July 13, 2009
I was right!
Remember this post? What'd I say? Huh? Did I call it or what?
This is from craigslist:
Ok. Let's be honest. I came into the restroom, you were already midstream, and it sounded like a fucking firehouse was being deployed into the porcelain receptacle. This greatly enhanced my perception of your manhood. Your urethra is wide like the Mississippi, and could probably accommodate Huckleberry Finn, Jim, and several steamboats. I get it. Congratulations.
I entered the restroom, unzipped, and began the evacuation of a meager portion of urine. It trickled, nay, dripped, into the urinal. You know it. I know it. I was finished long before your manly stream was done, and you cast a sympathetic look my way. Possibly, you were worried that my prostate was enlarged by cancer or some other disease, and that it couldn't adequately squeeze my bladder. You probably pictured my dong as being a feeble man-gina, that dribbled urine the way a new mother's over-engorged breast dribbles milk. A dipple.
Well listen to me you self-satisfied prick. I can piss with the best of them. I can let loose a flood of a magnitude that might require God to come down from on high and warn some motherfucker to build a boat and grab some fucking animals. Forty days, forty nights. What happened is, I had a meeting. I was going to be leading a call with something like 30 clients on the line. I would have no chance to get off the line. So I just did a little top off. Just emptied the tank, even though I didn't REALLY need to go. I didn't count on Mr. Firehose Dong being right next to me. I didn't expect that someone with a urethra the size of my thumb would be punishing the porcelain one urinal over. So don't feel like you're superior to me, man. In fact, count this as an invitation. Meet me in the restroom on the west side of the building At 1:30 pm on Monday and I will UNLEASH HELL on the urinal. I will expel a stream of urine that will cause barn animals in the next county to flip out. Bring me a terrorist and I will water board that motherfucker with my pee. You will see rainbows in the geyser that flows from my pee hole. Let's do this.
This is from craigslist:
Ok. Let's be honest. I came into the restroom, you were already midstream, and it sounded like a fucking firehouse was being deployed into the porcelain receptacle. This greatly enhanced my perception of your manhood. Your urethra is wide like the Mississippi, and could probably accommodate Huckleberry Finn, Jim, and several steamboats. I get it. Congratulations.
I entered the restroom, unzipped, and began the evacuation of a meager portion of urine. It trickled, nay, dripped, into the urinal. You know it. I know it. I was finished long before your manly stream was done, and you cast a sympathetic look my way. Possibly, you were worried that my prostate was enlarged by cancer or some other disease, and that it couldn't adequately squeeze my bladder. You probably pictured my dong as being a feeble man-gina, that dribbled urine the way a new mother's over-engorged breast dribbles milk. A dipple.
Well listen to me you self-satisfied prick. I can piss with the best of them. I can let loose a flood of a magnitude that might require God to come down from on high and warn some motherfucker to build a boat and grab some fucking animals. Forty days, forty nights. What happened is, I had a meeting. I was going to be leading a call with something like 30 clients on the line. I would have no chance to get off the line. So I just did a little top off. Just emptied the tank, even though I didn't REALLY need to go. I didn't count on Mr. Firehose Dong being right next to me. I didn't expect that someone with a urethra the size of my thumb would be punishing the porcelain one urinal over. So don't feel like you're superior to me, man. In fact, count this as an invitation. Meet me in the restroom on the west side of the building At 1:30 pm on Monday and I will UNLEASH HELL on the urinal. I will expel a stream of urine that will cause barn animals in the next county to flip out. Bring me a terrorist and I will water board that motherfucker with my pee. You will see rainbows in the geyser that flows from my pee hole. Let's do this.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Who wants to see me argue FOR intelligent (snicker) design?
Yes I'm back but I'm feeling too lazy to go through all the vacation photos. They'll come... eventually.
For now please enjoy me debating with a friend while I take the side of ID. ID! Who would have thunk it?
I called this image: "Me Argue for ID hur hur."
For now please enjoy me debating with a friend while I take the side of ID. ID! Who would have thunk it?
I called this image: "Me Argue for ID hur hur."
Friday, June 26, 2009
I Saw TF2!
Man, I came on here to brag all about how I got to see Transformers: RotF before any of my US friends because I'm in asia and therefore in the future. But then upon looking it up TF2 had a wednesday opening instead of a friday opening so I didn't REALLY get to see it that much before everyone else. Maybe just 12 hours or so.
But how about that for fandom? I flew half way across the world to see it before anyone. Suck on that beeches!
And it was very nerdgasmic.
But how about that for fandom? I flew half way across the world to see it before anyone. Suck on that beeches!
And it was very nerdgasmic.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Whah-Pow Beeches! Whaddup from Taiwan!
Hey I have 12 min to report. So, here we go!
Taiwan is a land of flat slopes. The ground is paved and flat but only in sections. Everyone who owns land apparently wants to have their land slightly higher than their neighbors. Therefore there are 1 to 2 steps everywhere you go. It's very much an e-peen sort of thing (penis waving contest).
And I don't give a damn if I'm generalizing, I'll generalize all the hell I want.
FOR EXAMPLE...
This is a land that's been conquered, reconquered and/or left by nearly every country that's ever had conquesting dreams. It's like a stepping stone to any would be imperialistic country in their journey to try and rule the world. Because of that there are a lot of influences and they don't always mesh very well.
Taiwan is a land that will have face masks to cover up and protect the wearer from pollution and various virus. BUT they will lift that face mask to smoke. And they'll smoke a lot of you let them. The smoking accesorries here are as plentiful as flavors and fixings at a starbucks.
Anyways I'm short on time and I have on-lookers as I'm in an internet cafe. So much pressure. It's not as wi-fied here as I would like but then again there's NO place that is wi-fied as I would like.
6 min to go. Baby you want to say anything?
Are you happy to see me?
Hell yea! I'm a sad pathetic mess when you're not around.
Awwwwwwwwwwww..... No!
Dad: running out of time!
Me: Not much time... what do you want to say?
Her: Can't wait to show everyone my pictures and see everyone when I get back.
Good. Done?
Yea.
K everyone bye!
Taiwan is a land of flat slopes. The ground is paved and flat but only in sections. Everyone who owns land apparently wants to have their land slightly higher than their neighbors. Therefore there are 1 to 2 steps everywhere you go. It's very much an e-peen sort of thing (penis waving contest).
And I don't give a damn if I'm generalizing, I'll generalize all the hell I want.
FOR EXAMPLE...
This is a land that's been conquered, reconquered and/or left by nearly every country that's ever had conquesting dreams. It's like a stepping stone to any would be imperialistic country in their journey to try and rule the world. Because of that there are a lot of influences and they don't always mesh very well.
Taiwan is a land that will have face masks to cover up and protect the wearer from pollution and various virus. BUT they will lift that face mask to smoke. And they'll smoke a lot of you let them. The smoking accesorries here are as plentiful as flavors and fixings at a starbucks.
Anyways I'm short on time and I have on-lookers as I'm in an internet cafe. So much pressure. It's not as wi-fied here as I would like but then again there's NO place that is wi-fied as I would like.
6 min to go. Baby you want to say anything?
Are you happy to see me?
Hell yea! I'm a sad pathetic mess when you're not around.
Awwwwwwwwwwww..... No!
Dad: running out of time!
Me: Not much time... what do you want to say?
Her: Can't wait to show everyone my pictures and see everyone when I get back.
Good. Done?
Yea.
K everyone bye!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm Leaving You
... But I'll be back.
This time tomorrow I'll be on a plane heading to Japan with the final destination of Taiwan. If it's going to be anything like my last trips to the Asian continent I haven't quite slipped into insanity yet. I'll just be at the point where I start getting tired of standing because that's what I do on a flight to Asia. I stand... the entire way. Fucking little seats.
Well if you miss me I will certainly do my best to blog the trip. I'm certainly going to carry around my phone to twittering is a possibility. In any case I'll be back before you know it and until then I guess you can read about my previous trips to the Asian continent. If I'm lucky this trip will be just as eventful without any of the horribleness...
... I'm looking at you, Chinese toilets...
Japan
China
Yay I get to see Her soon!
This time tomorrow I'll be on a plane heading to Japan with the final destination of Taiwan. If it's going to be anything like my last trips to the Asian continent I haven't quite slipped into insanity yet. I'll just be at the point where I start getting tired of standing because that's what I do on a flight to Asia. I stand... the entire way. Fucking little seats.
Well if you miss me I will certainly do my best to blog the trip. I'm certainly going to carry around my phone to twittering is a possibility. In any case I'll be back before you know it and until then I guess you can read about my previous trips to the Asian continent. If I'm lucky this trip will be just as eventful without any of the horribleness...
... I'm looking at you, Chinese toilets...
Japan
China
Yay I get to see Her soon!
Monday, June 15, 2009
I'm Done With Superhero Comics
Yea, I read comics...
I think the biggest mistake the comic book industry has ever made was to bring Superman back. Sure the guy was a legend. But when they killed him it was huge news. It was on covers of magazines people were talking about it, it was the death of an icon. More than that people identified with a piece of fiction and comics were viewed as something to be paid attention to, a piece of art.
Then, a year or so later they brought him back and that move cheapened everything.
From then on, death was viewed as just something that happened, something that could be reversed and comics were again divorced from reality. I believe that by doing so comics once again are the stuff for children. No real substance, just fantasy. There's a bunch of people here and a bunch of people there and they fight because one is labeled good and the other evil.
I feel that by DC Comics reviving Superman they set back the movement of comics being taken seriously. Since then no superheroes' life or death was covered as much as that one except for maybe the death of Captain America.
When I read that comic it was so surprising and delivered so well, but the cynic in me just couldn't shut up and enjoy the story. "They'll bring him back, the voice in my head said. Death in comics mean nothing." I was really hoping for that voice to be wrong and I said if they ever do I'd be done with comics. The american superhero kind anyways. If they bring back Steve Rogers as Captain America I will no longer view superhero comics as art or anything else other than uncreative rehashing of one story after another for the purposes of making a buck.
I died a little today.
I think the biggest mistake the comic book industry has ever made was to bring Superman back. Sure the guy was a legend. But when they killed him it was huge news. It was on covers of magazines people were talking about it, it was the death of an icon. More than that people identified with a piece of fiction and comics were viewed as something to be paid attention to, a piece of art.
Then, a year or so later they brought him back and that move cheapened everything.
From then on, death was viewed as just something that happened, something that could be reversed and comics were again divorced from reality. I believe that by doing so comics once again are the stuff for children. No real substance, just fantasy. There's a bunch of people here and a bunch of people there and they fight because one is labeled good and the other evil.
I feel that by DC Comics reviving Superman they set back the movement of comics being taken seriously. Since then no superheroes' life or death was covered as much as that one except for maybe the death of Captain America.
When I read that comic it was so surprising and delivered so well, but the cynic in me just couldn't shut up and enjoy the story. "They'll bring him back, the voice in my head said. Death in comics mean nothing." I was really hoping for that voice to be wrong and I said if they ever do I'd be done with comics. The american superhero kind anyways. If they bring back Steve Rogers as Captain America I will no longer view superhero comics as art or anything else other than uncreative rehashing of one story after another for the purposes of making a buck.
I died a little today.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Show Your Gratitude and Shut Up
So, the a/c of the house is not working and never really worked. We bought the house during the winter so it wasn't that big of a deal. Part of the agreement though WAS to get that fixed though. So yesterday was the day for the guy to come and finished the work he's been doing. I asked the in-laws to help out since they're retired and going up to the attic during any time of the day when the sun's been out for a while just plain sucks. So they agree and come wait at the house and let the guy in etc etc.
I'm thankful. I really am. I appreciate what they did for me, I really do. But either they didn't take their shoes off or didn't ask the guy to or both but someone's been walking around the house with shoes. It's as if I walk a pig around smothered in cheese around their house.
I spent the entire evening cleaning up. I guess it's something I should do anyways but...
Nevermind. I'm so glad I was able to get my in-laws to help me out. I'm going to shut up now.
I'm thankful. I really am. I appreciate what they did for me, I really do. But either they didn't take their shoes off or didn't ask the guy to or both but someone's been walking around the house with shoes. It's as if I walk a pig around smothered in cheese around their house.
I spent the entire evening cleaning up. I guess it's something I should do anyways but...
Nevermind. I'm so glad I was able to get my in-laws to help me out. I'm going to shut up now.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Her is Gone... To Thailand.
Her left me alone for 3 weeks. Here's some evidence that I, believe it or not, actually have (some) emotions! (gasp)
Her being far more emotional than I started to cry and miss me before we even got to the airport. Very touching. Of course the entire time I didn't get it. What's to miss? She hadn't left yet, I'm still sitting next to her and she's going off to do something she's been dreaming of for years. Why spend the time missing me instead of being excited for your trip?
My guess she probably got a little choked up when we parted ways as she went through security check. But, as soon as she sat down in the plane, all that was gone and there was nothing but excitement for her trip to the un-wiped ass of Asia. I'm not calling Thailand the ass of Asian let alone an un-wiped one. Her specifically wanted to go to the worst parts of Thailand so she could kind of get some culture shock. That and Thailand is in southern Asian and does have a "crack" in it.
It took me about 7-8 hours after she left for me to start missing Her. After we left the airport and headed back to my parent's house I spent some time surfing the web before we sat down and had some lunch. Gathering up my things, I headed back to my own house and it wasn't until an hour or so went by I realized how quiet it was. Well not entirely quiet as I still talk to myself, but there was no retort at all. I went around doing whatever I felt like doing and there was nothing. No one to bug, no one to bug me asking me to do something or just a random question and for the first time in a really really long time, I felt lonely.
First I felt lonely then I realized I was alone, which kind of made me sad. Then I realized I'd be alone for 3 weeks which was the exact moment I started to miss Her. I sad now. I wonder how long this feeling is going to last...
Her being far more emotional than I started to cry and miss me before we even got to the airport. Very touching. Of course the entire time I didn't get it. What's to miss? She hadn't left yet, I'm still sitting next to her and she's going off to do something she's been dreaming of for years. Why spend the time missing me instead of being excited for your trip?
My guess she probably got a little choked up when we parted ways as she went through security check. But, as soon as she sat down in the plane, all that was gone and there was nothing but excitement for her trip to the un-wiped ass of Asia. I'm not calling Thailand the ass of Asian let alone an un-wiped one. Her specifically wanted to go to the worst parts of Thailand so she could kind of get some culture shock. That and Thailand is in southern Asian and does have a "crack" in it.
It took me about 7-8 hours after she left for me to start missing Her. After we left the airport and headed back to my parent's house I spent some time surfing the web before we sat down and had some lunch. Gathering up my things, I headed back to my own house and it wasn't until an hour or so went by I realized how quiet it was. Well not entirely quiet as I still talk to myself, but there was no retort at all. I went around doing whatever I felt like doing and there was nothing. No one to bug, no one to bug me asking me to do something or just a random question and for the first time in a really really long time, I felt lonely.
First I felt lonely then I realized I was alone, which kind of made me sad. Then I realized I'd be alone for 3 weeks which was the exact moment I started to miss Her. I sad now. I wonder how long this feeling is going to last...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"Pissing Contest"
Usually a "pissing contest" is a non-verbalized competition of ability in any particular field usually by men and half the time over something utterly stupid. One such competition is "who can spit the most/farthest."
Well recently I have encountered my own pissing contest and because it's non-verbal my participation in it is already assumed so there's no backing out. Oh sure I can state that I'm not participating in such competition but that would break "man law." Even if you didn't count the breaking of man law #: 00004 - Don't talk unless something needs to be said or risk being mistakenly observed as talking about your "feelings" (whatever the hell THOSE are) and required to turn in your man card; I'd still be backing off from a challenge. While nothing in the man law book specifically addresses the consequences of backing off from a challenge the debate of being labeled as a "bitch" is being negotiated.
Here's the challenge that's being presented to me: I walk into a bathroom and someone's peeing. What WAS a somewhat silent standing pee (redundant I know but I LOVE alliteration), probably a bank shot off the porcelain wall, is now the noisiest, prostate flexing waterfall this sumnabitch can muster. This guy is now going full force into the little pond there and is now splashing his wee all over the place in what I can guess is a show of machismo.
What I don't get is why is this a competition? To me making the loudest noise while you pee shouldn't be something to strive for (urine splash back aside). To me I want the opposite and I'll tell you why. Ever been to a really big waterfall? Shit's real loud right? That's the sound of thousands of gallons going over a ledge and smashing into the water below from a height that (while varies) can be considered pretty fucking high. Ever fill up a cup from a water cooler? Not really loud right? You hold your cup right below the spout and there's not that much noise at all. Why? Cause there's not much distance to go.
So for the the object of the game is to make the least amount of sound possible since there is less of a distance to travel from "spout" to "tiny pond." But you know what? I don't mind. He makes all the noise he wants, I make as little noise as I want, we both walk away feeling like winners.
Except I don't have pee splash back on my trousers.
Well recently I have encountered my own pissing contest and because it's non-verbal my participation in it is already assumed so there's no backing out. Oh sure I can state that I'm not participating in such competition but that would break "man law." Even if you didn't count the breaking of man law #: 00004 - Don't talk unless something needs to be said or risk being mistakenly observed as talking about your "feelings" (whatever the hell THOSE are) and required to turn in your man card; I'd still be backing off from a challenge. While nothing in the man law book specifically addresses the consequences of backing off from a challenge the debate of being labeled as a "bitch" is being negotiated.
Here's the challenge that's being presented to me: I walk into a bathroom and someone's peeing. What WAS a somewhat silent standing pee (redundant I know but I LOVE alliteration), probably a bank shot off the porcelain wall, is now the noisiest, prostate flexing waterfall this sumnabitch can muster. This guy is now going full force into the little pond there and is now splashing his wee all over the place in what I can guess is a show of machismo.
What I don't get is why is this a competition? To me making the loudest noise while you pee shouldn't be something to strive for (urine splash back aside). To me I want the opposite and I'll tell you why. Ever been to a really big waterfall? Shit's real loud right? That's the sound of thousands of gallons going over a ledge and smashing into the water below from a height that (while varies) can be considered pretty fucking high. Ever fill up a cup from a water cooler? Not really loud right? You hold your cup right below the spout and there's not that much noise at all. Why? Cause there's not much distance to go.
So for the the object of the game is to make the least amount of sound possible since there is less of a distance to travel from "spout" to "tiny pond." But you know what? I don't mind. He makes all the noise he wants, I make as little noise as I want, we both walk away feeling like winners.
Except I don't have pee splash back on my trousers.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Detox... HAH!
A co-worker of mine did a 9 day detox program. Upon hearing of her successful completion of it a lot of my other co-workers were interested in it as well. I got put on the e-mail list perhaps as a subtle hint that I'm a fat bastard. Below is what she sent and after that, how I saw it.
>>>>>Original>>>>>
Ok so for the next 9 days, you will mostly fruits and vegetables and clean your body and mind of impurities naturally without fasting or putting toxins in your systems. Weigh yourself the day you start and on the 9th day. Since you don't really eat bad as it is, you'll probably just be losing water weight. And if you don't care about weight, then just keep of journal and write how you feel each day or just twitter. (Sounds gay but it works!)
Number of meals per day:
* 4-5; eat in moderation don't stuff yourself.
Food Preparation:
* Food is ONLY to be eaten RAW, GRILLED, or STEAMED. For maximum results, I would just do raw or steamed since grilling takes away a lot of good nutrients in veggies.
* You're allowed 3tbsp of low-fat dressing on your salads. Once again for the best results just use a balsamic vinegarette or drizzle some EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) on your salads. No creamy dressings or dressings with cheese and mayo in them, aka blue cheese, ranch, thousand island whatever else there is.
* If you're grilling your veggies, use a minimal amount of EVOO, 1 or 2 tbsp.
Sample Schedule:
Workout a schedule that fits your lifestyle, but keep in mind the spacing of the meals and the need to have at least 4 meals per day. For late-night snacks, have sliced fruits or raw/steamed veggies like celery, carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, or asparagus.
8am..........Meal #1
11am........Meal #2
2pm..........Meal #3
5pm..........Meal #4
7pm..........Meal #5
9pm..........Light Snack
Ok I attached the food lists.
Enjoy!
>>>>>Me>>>>>
This is how I read it. Teehee.
Ok so for the next 9 days, you will remove that pesky habit of immortality from your self (preservatives keep your body fresh). Weigh yourself the day you start and on the 9th day, unless you’re Franklin and don’t own a scale nor am able to come up with a good reason to ever have on. It’s all for the best, the scale probably won’t be able to count that high for you anyways. Since you probably will never do this we’ll just list there the most ridiculous stuff we can think of and if you do decide to do it (probably due to someone challenging your manliness) we’ll have a great laugh at your expense. And if you don't care about weight, then just keep a twitter since you’ll be doing that anyways (internet wh**e), that way we’ll be able to enjoy your suffering from the comforts of our computer chairs..
Number of meals per day:
* 4-5 (yay!); eat in minuscule proportions so small that it’ll just get stuck in your teeth and you’ll never have actually ate a thing (awww).
Food Preparation:
* Food is ONLY to be eaten RAW, GRILLED, or STEAMED don’t even dream for a second that you’re allowed to induce any flavor into your foods. Flavors == calories. For maximum results, cut up a vitamin into fifths and eat that throughout the day. Remember to get it stuck into your teeth.
* You're allowed to have someone who has actually eaten something to spit on your salad. Hopefully they ate something delicious like bacon. Don’t worry, the calories have been absorbed by them already.
* If you're grilling your veggies, feel free to dream of a steak. Dreaming is 0 calories. If you can try and get yourself into “good food withdrawal.” The shakes and egregious amounts of sweat burns calories.
Sample Schedule:
Remember to do this as often as you can in public places. There are people out there you can cheer up using your misery. For late-night misery when no one is around be sure to tape yourself or at the very least blog about it so we can have a good chuckle with our morning cup of coffee.
8am..........wonder how long this day will be
11am........first delusional mirage of the day
2pm..........well fed co-worker cursing workout
5pm..........Vodka and diet coke binge drinking
7pm..........pass out
9pm..........dream of supreme pizzas
Good luck!
>>>>>Original>>>>>
Ok so for the next 9 days, you will mostly fruits and vegetables and clean your body and mind of impurities naturally without fasting or putting toxins in your systems. Weigh yourself the day you start and on the 9th day. Since you don't really eat bad as it is, you'll probably just be losing water weight. And if you don't care about weight, then just keep of journal and write how you feel each day or just twitter. (Sounds gay but it works!)
Number of meals per day:
* 4-5; eat in moderation don't stuff yourself.
Food Preparation:
* Food is ONLY to be eaten RAW, GRILLED, or STEAMED. For maximum results, I would just do raw or steamed since grilling takes away a lot of good nutrients in veggies.
* You're allowed 3tbsp of low-fat dressing on your salads. Once again for the best results just use a balsamic vinegarette or drizzle some EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) on your salads. No creamy dressings or dressings with cheese and mayo in them, aka blue cheese, ranch, thousand island whatever else there is.
* If you're grilling your veggies, use a minimal amount of EVOO, 1 or 2 tbsp.
Sample Schedule:
Workout a schedule that fits your lifestyle, but keep in mind the spacing of the meals and the need to have at least 4 meals per day. For late-night snacks, have sliced fruits or raw/steamed veggies like celery, carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, or asparagus.
8am..........Meal #1
11am........Meal #2
2pm..........Meal #3
5pm..........Meal #4
7pm..........Meal #5
9pm..........Light Snack
Ok I attached the food lists.
Enjoy!
>>>>>Me>>>>>
This is how I read it. Teehee.
Ok so for the next 9 days, you will remove that pesky habit of immortality from your self (preservatives keep your body fresh). Weigh yourself the day you start and on the 9th day, unless you’re Franklin and don’t own a scale nor am able to come up with a good reason to ever have on. It’s all for the best, the scale probably won’t be able to count that high for you anyways. Since you probably will never do this we’ll just list there the most ridiculous stuff we can think of and if you do decide to do it (probably due to someone challenging your manliness) we’ll have a great laugh at your expense. And if you don't care about weight, then just keep a twitter since you’ll be doing that anyways (internet wh**e), that way we’ll be able to enjoy your suffering from the comforts of our computer chairs..
Number of meals per day:
* 4-5 (yay!); eat in minuscule proportions so small that it’ll just get stuck in your teeth and you’ll never have actually ate a thing (awww).
Food Preparation:
* Food is ONLY to be eaten RAW, GRILLED, or STEAMED don’t even dream for a second that you’re allowed to induce any flavor into your foods. Flavors == calories. For maximum results, cut up a vitamin into fifths and eat that throughout the day. Remember to get it stuck into your teeth.
* You're allowed to have someone who has actually eaten something to spit on your salad. Hopefully they ate something delicious like bacon. Don’t worry, the calories have been absorbed by them already.
* If you're grilling your veggies, feel free to dream of a steak. Dreaming is 0 calories. If you can try and get yourself into “good food withdrawal.” The shakes and egregious amounts of sweat burns calories.
Sample Schedule:
Remember to do this as often as you can in public places. There are people out there you can cheer up using your misery. For late-night misery when no one is around be sure to tape yourself or at the very least blog about it so we can have a good chuckle with our morning cup of coffee.
8am..........wonder how long this day will be
11am........first delusional mirage of the day
2pm..........well fed co-worker cursing workout
5pm..........Vodka and diet coke binge drinking
7pm..........pass out
9pm..........dream of supreme pizzas
Good luck!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thank Seat Belt!
Not mine but still a great poem (not that all MY poems are great) from a guy who calls himself "Fingers."
Oh Seatbelt who art in auto
Tight be thy name
Thy Chrysler come
Thy latch be done
in Saab as it is in Nissan
Give us this day
Our daily hold
Forgive us our speeding
As we forgive those who tailgate behind us
And lead us not into tree
But deliver us from Domino's
For thine is the holddom, and the
Powersteering, and the glory,
forever and ever,
buckle in.
Oh Seatbelt who art in auto
Tight be thy name
Thy Chrysler come
Thy latch be done
in Saab as it is in Nissan
Give us this day
Our daily hold
Forgive us our speeding
As we forgive those who tailgate behind us
And lead us not into tree
But deliver us from Domino's
For thine is the holddom, and the
Powersteering, and the glory,
forever and ever,
buckle in.
Monday, May 4, 2009
A Conversation I Had With My Cousin
Cuz: I have a proposition for you
HIM: oh?
Cuz: your woman's basket discount ends aug
Cuz: which is soon
Cuz: unless she can sell $1000 in baskets in 3 months
Cuz: BUT today there is a special
Cuz: you can sign up for free
Cuz: and get a $74 basket for FREE
Cuz: just pay the $10 shipping
Cuz: want to sign up?
HIM: so I have to sign up for this thing?
Cuz: you seriously don't have to do anything else
Cuz: yeah
HIM: I don't want MORE baskets
Cuz: it's a $74 basket for $10!
HIM: but... I don't want baskets
Cuz: the asian in you can't say no to that
HIM: but the man in me can
Cuz: haha
Cuz: just do it
HIM: do you want the basket?
HIM: I'll do it if you want to pay the $10 to get that basket
HIM: I have no problems with that
HIM: but I have no idea what to do with another basket
Cuz: margo wants it :)
Cuz: http://ic.longaberger.com/esuite/home/vanessabrown
Cuz: fill out
Cuz: please :)
HIM: I want to tell you a story
HIM: one day a young man was moving in with a young girl
HIM: the young man didn't want to but the young woman insisted he help her pack her stuff
HIM: since the young woman tended to have a tendency to gather a lot of crap
HIM: so the young man opens up the bathroom closet thinking "well this should be a good place to start"
HIM: inside was a treasure trove of girly things that he didn't understand
HIM: the young man had chosen poorly
HIM: still, not to be deterred the young man set forth to gather the young woman's things
HIM: to which he discovered that the young woman had amassed an impressive collection of hair conditioners
HIM: 2 big, deep, WIDE shelves worth of it in fact
HIM: whenever one was removed (past the 12th bottle) the young man glanced at the young woman with bewilderment and shock
HIM: the look was always, ALWAYS returned with the comment "but it was on sale."
HIM: the end
Cuz: now you'll have a basket for all those conditioners
HIM: you know what? That story was too awesome to be contained only in this chat box. This is going onto the blog...
***And you know what? I thought she was done, but my cousin is both wonderful and persistent so it continues...
Cuz: so seriously
Cuz: go sign up
HIM: but I don't want a basket
Cuz: but your woman does
Cuz: yes I'm forcing you
HIM: do you want the basket?
HIM: I'll do it if you want the basket
HIM: but I don't wanna buy something I don't want
Cuz: but your woman wants the basket
HIM: no she doesn;'t
Cuz: I have 5 of those baskets
Cuz: haha
HIM: she hasn't told me she does
HIM: do you get something for me signing up?
HIM: cause you can just tell me if you do
Cuz: I get $25 in goodies
Cuz: but so do you too
Cuz: it's more a... holy crap it's free to sign up
Cuz: get everyone I know to sign up
Cuz: sent an email to [other friend] too
Cuz: hehe
HIM: but... I don't wanna
HIM: circumcisions may become free one day
HIM: those things cost $500 at the hospital
HIM: doesn't mean I'm going to run out and get one
Cuz: HAHAHAHA
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I got a joke fer ya...
200 hundred years ago when the US was a younger, stupider nation they joked that there would be a black president when pigs fly.
Now our president is taking care of his first 100 days, and swine flu.
Now our president is taking care of his first 100 days, and swine flu.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Did you know?
You (supposedly) can have companies bid to provide you power. To me having a choice is awesome and can probably save you money or, at the very least, feel better about your current provider of magical ju-ju to your house.
Before I start everything I know about this I just learned a few minutes ago from this site. I hope to do some more research to see what I can dig up but I'll also sum up what I can here.
Here are the states that have this for sure (according to the site): New Jersey, Delaware, Illinois, Maine, Oregon, Texas, Arizona, Washington D.C., Maryland, New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Michigan, Virginia, and New Hampshire.
Supposedly there is a site that is independent from the power companies that gauges the costs of various power companies that may be available to you depending on your zip code. Now I've tried a decent number of zip codes for MD but none of them really worked. Which sucks BUT I am curious if this is true so, if I find anything out I'll be sure to let you know.
Before I start everything I know about this I just learned a few minutes ago from this site. I hope to do some more research to see what I can dig up but I'll also sum up what I can here.
Here are the states that have this for sure (according to the site): New Jersey, Delaware, Illinois, Maine, Oregon, Texas, Arizona, Washington D.C., Maryland, New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Michigan, Virginia, and New Hampshire.
Supposedly there is a site that is independent from the power companies that gauges the costs of various power companies that may be available to you depending on your zip code. Now I've tried a decent number of zip codes for MD but none of them really worked. Which sucks BUT I am curious if this is true so, if I find anything out I'll be sure to let you know.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Living with Pigs
This is an article about a man who spent a few days living, sleeping and eating with pigs. During his stay in the pen he learned and developed a way to communicate with the pigs and grew an appreciation and understanding of the animals we eat and what goes into it. Because of his new education he has become a more conscious consumer and realizes that pigs are far more intelligent than we give them credit for.
This sort of thing makes me want to get a pig for a pet even more.
Oh! One last thing. The man didn't become vegan or even a vegetarian. Two months after this experience he actually missed and ate bacon. Yea that's right. Behold the power of bacon, you'd step over your own mother to get some wouldn't you?
This sort of thing makes me want to get a pig for a pet even more.
Oh! One last thing. The man didn't become vegan or even a vegetarian. Two months after this experience he actually missed and ate bacon. Yea that's right. Behold the power of bacon, you'd step over your own mother to get some wouldn't you?
Religious / Political Bru-ha-ha
There's some talk about Texas seceding so I dug up an old favorite article of mine. Enjoy.
>>>>>
>>>>>
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes
To sum up briefly: You get
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in
Peace out,
Blue States
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