Happy New Year Jews!

It's Rosh Hashanah! I think it will be until tomorrow at sundown. It's the Jewish new year where jews everywhere go and join their families in an evening of eating and story telling and, if you're my age, toss around jewish guilt on why I'm not married yet. While I was invited to Her's family dinner I had a test and couldn't come. Seeing as how I don't look jewish at all and I don't think my professor would believe me, that sort of thing probably wouldn't fly for me. So to me, Rosh Hashanah is just a time where there was a lot less traffic yesterday and today. Yay!

Toys for Little Boys and Toys for Big Boys

First the toy for the little boy:


Why is this awesome? Well first it shows that there still is innocence in the world. That and maybe my kids (that don't exist yet) will some day be able to grow up with big immaginations and some creative skills.

But more importantly, if you look closely at the box you will see that the toy is a Star Wars toy from the prequels. You know, the ones that sucked? So maybe the boy isn't all that creative or imaginative or that innocent. Maybe he just realizes that the prequels suck and a box is better than that dribble. Either way it gives me hope for the future.

Now toys for big boys.



Awesome.

My Baby is the Boss Sauce

Yes, I am dense, very dense actually. Yes I am easy to surprise. But I have never had a surprise as big or as nice as this. Except for the time my gummies were stolen (and eventually returned) I was all too happy to have my girl lead me on a chase for my "surprise" on Sunday where I was totally caught off guard. We took a bus to downtown and went to the Ravens game! Not only that but she also got me this:


Yea buddy! I got me the Raven TE Todd Heap's Jersey. It's the official one so, wow, what a present. We went to the game where the Browns were visiting and left 18 points behind. It was a great game and we both had a ton of fun.

I just want those of you who read this to know that if you're looking for someone in your life to look for something more than just similar likes and dislikes on superficial things. Everyone likes music and movies, what type of music and what type of movie differs and is ultimately useless in determining whether or not your going to be a good match for each other. Instead I implore you to look for people who will let you be yourself but at the same time challenge you and make you want to be a better person. Neither Her nor myself would consider each other to be "our type" but we've found each other anyways. She's been good for me and I'd like to think that I've been challenging for her, but I sure to love that woman and I kind of get the feeling she loves me too.

Ok enough of this, I'm going to go hump my Jersey now.

Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Yarrr! Tis talk like ye pirate day and I just wanted to tell me lass dat there's no ship that I rather be sailin' then Her's. Yer better than buried treasure and no less than 10 months worth of rum.

Arrrrrr.

(7:01:25 AM) her: I had a dream you left me a note in the car addressed to me breaking up with me followed by a pile of Burger King coupons with little saying on them. The note said I hope one day you'll find that one special person for you - and the little saying on the Burger King things were supposed to be all philosophical and I guess the Burger King food was supposed to be comfort food.
(7:01:48 AM) him: hahaha
(7:02:18 AM) him: I think it means you're in love with the burger king and want me to get out of the way of your love
(7:02:28 AM) him: I think I'm the one that should be hurt
(7:02:40 AM)her: no you tried to break up with me how did you turn this around
(7:02:46 AM) her: =-O
(7:02:52 AM) him: ^_^ Morning baby
(7:03:02 AM) him: other than the dream did you sleep well?
(7:03:31 AM) her: :-)

Why this is funny to me...

I was sitting here thinking to myself about this blog and how we don't really talk about our relationship all that much. Actually Her doesn't really talk all that much and I, being the online whore will just talk about what comes to mind. Truth be told I am a man and frankly men don't really think about our relationships on a constant basis. Certainly not enough or to any degree that I would consider interesting enough to blog about. That doesn't mean there isn't humor to be had in this scenario though. So allow me to express to you what it is that I find so damn funny.

There is a fairly big list of contradictions of why me and Her would sort of clash. Some of them is because she's Jewish and I'm an un-kosher pork eating heathen, but others are just because she's who she is and I'm who I am. I'll give you a quick example of a culture clash. Pigs are viewed in many religions as "unclean." Muslim being one of them and Jewish being another one. Chinese people have a saying; "if it has legs and is not a chair, we eat it. If it flies and is not a plane, we eat it. One big delicacy is a suckling pig, which is delicious. Therein lies a problem already, her family can't have pig and shellfish and that's a lot of what Chinese people eat at weddings.

Do you see now the dileama?

Jewish people tend to raise their children using a system of guilt. Kids feel guilty about something they did or didn't do and made to feel this way so that the inappropriate behavior won't continue. Chinese people (including a lot of other Asians) use a system of shame to raise their children. Which says to me that Chinese children must be more evil than Jewish children because it's a lot easier to say something and make the kid feel bad than to go and grab the beating stick to beat the child preferably in a public place to not only shame the child into doing right but also to serve as a warning to all the other children. To us it doesn't matter if you feel bad or not, you've done something bad and you should be punished.

This is of course full of generalalities and I should take the time that not all Jewish people are like what I've said (Maryland Jews eat crabs) and not all Chinese people are like what I've said either (monks are vegans). So to avoid further generalities I'll get to how we are (me and Her) on a personal level.

I am emotionally constipated. I am unfamiliar with the feeling of empathy, I laugh at probably unappropriate things and times, and other than a big hug and a paitient ear I don't really have much to offer for emotional woes. Her lives in a world of spirituality, feelings and emotions. These things have great meaning to her and without she feels off balance; a shell of her former self. The way in which we make this work? She's a hug-slut. My hug-slut. For her there's something in being that close to someone and feeling a connection in a moment of suspended bliss. For me, I get to slightly squish something. That, and she smells nice.

There's more but it's too many to put all in one post. Maybe sometime later.

It's SHOTGUN time!

My beloved cousin (who's like a sister to me) has given birth to her little girl. Congrats to her and her hubby. It's a little girl and is apparently doing fine. Mom's good and sleeping currently and dad's I guess running around talking to all the people who are asking a bunch of questions, letting the new mommy get some rest.

As for me I'm getting my weekends ready so that I can go up there whenever they say I can to go see her and her new baby.

With nothing planned on the weekends now I guess I can spend my time shopping for a new shotgun. I probably have about 12 years to get surgically proficient at it. I hear they date earlier than ever now.

The No Jacket Clause

Leave me alone long enough in a situation that will allow it and I will eventually get nearly nekkid. It's just the way I am, I did it since I was a kid and I never lost it. I guess it can be very similar to someone's attachment to a childhood toy, a blanket, the very sexy habit of thumb sucking or whatever. For me I don't like wearing clothes; pants in particular.

Which is why I'm so happy for the "No Jacket Clause."

While driving from somewhere that's not important, me and Her got to talking and she said that she wanted me to be comfortable throughout the wedding. To which I replied "then, do I have to wear pants?" Apparently I still do but she was opened to me losing another article of clothing. I believe the proposal went something like this. "Alright baby how about this; what if, I get myself really fit. I'm talking pecs, shoulders, and a flat stomach, could I not wear a jacket at all during the entire ceremony? I can be all sessy for you and you can make we wear whatever you want if I don't have to wear a jacket. Hell you can marry me while I wear a tu-tu if you want (because afterall, a tu-tu isn't pants).

So Her kind of thought about it, said how great it would be if I got into shape and said she would ask her mother. Fast forward a week or two. She admits that she likes the idea but isn't sure how her mother would go for it. I, being a person that I am take this as the agreement being set and I am now off on my journey to be married jacket-less. Cause really, fuck jackets. While I don't mind her mother's input because I actually kind of like Her's mother I also don't see a reason that our wedding should be her mother's opportunity to primp me up and parade me around for the enjoyment of her family. I'm alright being paraded around, don't get me wrong, but I just don't want to wear pants when I am. At least this time I don't have to wear a jacket.

The weight-loss, getting back into shape begins YESTERDAY.